Why do Christians ask us stupid questions?

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These are just some of the questions on social media. Either they’re trolling or they’re that fucking ignorant and really really don’t understand Atheism. It’s not rocket science!

“Why do atheists hate god”?

“Do atheists worship Satan”?

“Isn’t atheism just another religion”?

“Why do atheists want to go to hell”?

“Why don’t atheists want to go to heaven”?

“Doesn’t it take just as much faith to be an atheist as it does to be a believer”?

“What evidence would be sufficient for atheists to accept god”?

“If atheists truly don’t believe in god, why do they spend so much time talking about him”?

“Why don’t atheists read the holy bible first and then decide if they believe or not”?

“How can atheists know what is moral without gods guidance? Are atheists so arrogant that they believe they know better about what is right and wrong than god”?

“If we evolved from monkeys… why are there still monkeys”?

“What evidence do atheists have to prove there isn’t a god”?

“Atheists. What if you are wrong and god does exist”?

Atheists. What are you going to say to god on Judgement Day when you stand before him and he asks why you didn’t believe in him”?

“If there is no God, why is there so much good in the world”?

“How do atheists explain all of the obvious miracles that defy explanation”?

“If atheists don’t believe in god why are they always so angry when we talk about him”?

“If god doesn’t exist, how can hundreds of prophecies written in the bible have come true”?

“Do atheists believe that they can live without God”?

“Isn’t it better to believe in god because when you die and if there isn’t a god it makes no difference anyway, but if there is a god then you are saved from hell and judgment”?

“Will atheists at least admit that without god life has no meaning”?

“Atheists. Out of hundreds of different unbeliefs that exist… how can you know you have chosen the correct one”?

“How could something as complex as an eye possibly develop purely by chance and chaos without a god being involved in designing it”?

“What made you become atheist and turn your back on god”?

“How can atheists rationally deny that there is more evidence that Jesus Christ lived, died and came back to life than for just about any other event in ancient history”?

“When I died in hospital, I met god personally before I came back. Many people all over the world have experienced the exact same thing. How can atheists explain this”?

“My doctor diagnosed me with cancer and told me I had 6 months to live, I went to the doctor for a checkup 2 years later and the doctors said that all trace of the cancer is gone and he couldn’t explain it. How can atheists deny that this is a miracle”?

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The idiocy, presumptiveness, unawareness, and loaded nature of many of these reminds me of a question I was asked (quite seriously) while home on leave after my first military deployment:

“What do you do when they want you to kill kids?”

In cases where the premises are so far off base, it’s hard to know where to even start, IME.

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Because they think we’re stupid, misled, or evil, and have not truly thought this through.

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Oh, boy! A survey! Yaaaay! I love these things! Just wish there weren’t so many questions. But I’ll try to answer a few, at least…

Why do atheists hate god”? (Because the pervert watches every damn thing I do. No privacy whatsoever. You have any idea how distracting that is while trying to masturbate?)

“Do atheists worship Satan”? (Yes, I do. Because worshipping beings which I do not believe to exist is a hobby of mine. Which is MUCH BETTER than my last hobby of playing in rush-hour traffic. My Mom got me hooked on that one during my childhood years.) Had to edit this answer slightly because I read the question wrong.

“Isn’t atheism just another religion”? (I still have to pay taxes, so fuck no.)

“Why do atheists want to go to hell”? (We heard there would be no Christians there. Turns out that was a lie. Dammit.)

“Why don’t atheists want to go to heaven”? (Because there would be too many Christians there.)

“Doesn’t it take just as much faith to be an atheist as it does to be a believer”? (More so, actually. Just like with Santa, it is mentally exhausting trying to maintain my disbelief in any god(s).)

“What evidence would be sufficient for atheists to accept god”? (Personally, I have no fucking clue. You could ask god, though. He should know.)

Edit to add: Thanks, MrDawn. That was fun. :relaxed:

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“Why do atheists want to go to hell”? (We heard there would be no Christians there. Turns out that was a lie. Dammit.)
Gotta catch my breath after bursting out laughing at this one.

Not long ago I heard a member of the CRU (christ rescued us) group at the local college tell another member of the group the sixth question as a statement: ‘It takes faith to be an atheist too.’
I told him, ‘some people will disagree with that,’ and left him with a question mark on his face. I just wasn’t in the mood to debate such an ignorant comment.

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“Why do atheists want to go to hell”?

Because heaven is a terrible place, and the party is in the basement. That’s where the rock and roll music, hookers and cocaine are.

“If we evolved from monkeys… why are there still monkeys”?

If the first settlers came from Europe, why is there people still living in Europe?

Atheists. What are you going to say to god on Judgement Day when you stand before him and he asks why you didn’t believe in him”?

About time you showed your face. Where’s the hookers?

“Isn’t it better to believe in god because when you die and if there isn’t a god it makes no difference anyway, but if there is a god then you are saved from hell and judgment”?

Which god? There are over 4,300 religions and thus gods. Did you pick the right god?

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In reality I was made to be a theist (Christian specifically Jehovah’s Witness). I was made to read the bible, attend the Kingdom Hall 3 times a week, door-to-door and exclusion from any pagan celebrations (Christmas, Halloween, Easter etc) and view society as Satan’s world. I was raised theist.

As an adult I wasn’t “made” to be an atheist - I just returned to my state prior to childhood conversion and indoctrination.

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When a fictional character says to kill gays, I think I don’t have to have any more reason.

Uh…we don’t believe in any god last time I checked, so no. Unless you count us Satanists mocking you.

No, we’re a diverse bunch with no specific belief sets (my mom believes in ghosts while I do not, for example) and no set form of worship or anything like that (but atheists who go to Sunday Assemblies could be counted as such), but we are a religious belief, considering that do not believe in God or any god. But that’s about it.

Because, like Lil Nas X, I want to give Satan a lap dance (though I don’t know if I would be any good lol, though ma thighs might be enough lol)

Because no one else is going to be there. Pretty lonely.

Hm…no. If god plops down in front me, I’ll change my belief so fast that I’ll reverse the spin of the world. My belief is based in scientific evidence; if I get presented with evidence that proves me wrong, and it cannot be proven wrong, then I will change my way. That’s not faith; that’s called basing it off what I know. It’s called using science and evidence to believe, not just to believe it randomly.

If he (or she or it or whatever is politically correct nowadays) plops down in front of me, then I’ll believe.

That’s the same as asking anti-feminists, “If you don’t believe in the pay gap, then why do you spend so much time talking about it?” Because either we’re a) brought up about it around us so much or b) we’re trying to disprove it. Duh.

What, do theists honestly believe we sit around all day twiddling our thumbs in our asses? What else do they think I’m doing? Just reading men’s rights stuff and nothing about atheism? (This one is for my point of view of specifically.) No, I have and am currently reading the Bible.

How can a specific species of monkey starve themselves for more than 2 weeks to stop another monkey from suffering if them getting food means that they get shocked? How can a rat know to move faster in unscrewing a container if a rat is going to drown than if a rat is in no imminent danger?

Because that’s not how evolution works, Chief. There’s a thing called “subspecies.”

Evolution. The fact that the entire Earth cannot actually be flooded (considering that water expands to freeze and most of the iceberg is under water, it’s safe to say that it will only flood a small amount). Etc.

Then I’ll change my position? Duh. Nah, I’ll fucking slap that bitch (God) for ignoring when I was a child and asked for him to give me my dad (who wants me, by the way).

Where the HELL have you been?

If there IS a God, why is there so much bad in the world?

Leaky pipe.

I’m not.

Like what? And how many prophecies in the Bible are there in the first place?

I’m here, aren’t I?

No. I would rather be raped and mutilated with him then live in heaven for the rest of eternity.

No? I have better things to do, like fight for men’s rights, and to fixe issues that affect men.

You choose one (or more) god out of HOW MANY? How do you know you choose the right ones to disbelieve in?

Also, if atheists don’t believe in ANY god, then that would equal one unbelief…no body above or below.

Evolution?

The need to be able to see to survive?

And if God created it, why couldn’t he tell you how it worked?

Nothing. I’ve always been an atheist.

Because Htiler, Stalin, the fucking Pope, cannot walk on water or change water to wine, my dear. Sorry to break it to you, Chief.

My mom drowned, died, and came back. And guess what? She had experienced nothing. Nothing at all.

Because cancer is merely broken cells…and just like all other cells, they can end up dying. Also, many doctors may misinform a patient or cause their death by making their brain think they’re going to die, causing a false death.

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You are 100% incorrect. Atheism is not a religion in any way, in any sense.

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“If atheists truly don’t believe in god, why do they spend so much time talking about him”?
(Because MTV stopped playing reruns of “Beavis and Butthead”. We’re bored.)

“Why don’t atheists read the holy bible first and then decide if they believe or not”?
(Huh? Silly question. Reading the bible is actually what CAUSED most of us to become atheists.)

“How can atheists know what is moral without gods guidance? Are atheists so arrogant that they believe they know better about what is right and wrong than god”?
(Absolutely NOT! God’s guidance in the bible is VITAL to helping us know what is right and wrong. For instance, every time I’ve ever suggested stoning a child to death for disrespecting his/her parents, good Christians got terribly angry and threatened to call the cops. Oh, and those times I was on patrol and having to do rape reports, I always got written up for telling the rape victim she had to marry the guy who raped her. So those are just two of MANY examples in the bible to help me know how wrong some things are… (reading relevant bible passages)… :hushed: Oh, wait… My bad. Looks like God said those things are actually GOOD… :thinking:… Well, shit.)

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“If we evolved from monkeys… why are there still monkeys”?
(Because the little shits reproduce too quickly for us to be able to eat them all.)

“What evidence do atheists have to prove there isn’t a god”?
(We have the exact same evidence you Christians have to prove the other thousands of gods do not exist.)

“Atheists. What if you are wrong and god does exist”?
(Depends. Which god/gods?)

Atheists. What are you going to say to god on Judgement Day when you stand before him and he asks why you didn’t believe in him”?
(I ain’t gonna say a DAMN THING. I shouldn’t have to. Your ALL-KNOWING god should already know. Why the fuck would he/she/it have to ASK me anything?)

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I just ate a banana. Why are there still bananas left?

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I strongly suggest you get a doctor who actually knows what the fuck he/she is doing.

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Doctors are very well aware about spontaneous remission, e.g. The spontaneous remission of cancer: Current insights and therapeutic significance - PMC. Among all the possible known causes of spontaneous remission, and all the unknown causes, I’d say it’s fucking difficult for a medical doctor - in the context of a regular checkup - to explain exactly what the fuck happened in such a complex scenario, no matter how good a doctor he/she is. To be able to resolve the case, the doctor would essentially have at his disposal a series of scientific publications written by a team of medical researchers dedicated to follow this one patient closesly with a diverse array of tests. And even then it would be quite hard, or even impossible, to explain exactly what happened.

In short, the whole “spontaneous remission is a miracle” shit is a straw man argument.

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You’ll have to ask Cog. He’s our resident banana expert.

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I’m sure Cog will chip in if he feels competent. But for now I’m asking a generally specific open question, directed at nobody and anybody in particular, that will require a specifically nonspecific answer.

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Oh. Well, damn, why didn’t you just say so in the second first place in a specifically non-direct generally precise manner so that anybody here could not have fully misunderstood what you did not mean? But to vaguely address your question in a straightforward clearly convoluted fashion, I would speculatively assert with steadfast uncertainty of concrete conviction that the banana conundrum of which you speak is the resulting cause of there being fewer consumers of bananas than there are quantities of bananas to be consumed. Although, in all reasonable unfairness, it should not be noted I am not a professional expert novice on these matters.

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He who holds the bananas holds all of the power.

550×849 143 KB

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I mainly say it for those who have no idea. I also say it because it’s much simpler.

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Jeezus afloat on a banana leaf. How many other things do you say “cos it is simpler?” .

I know I tell people I am a 7ft Watusi tribesman when I first meet them in person, cos its so much simpler than being a 5’6" Scots grandpa.

I also tell people my tricycle is a 30 year old African elephant called Harold who enjoys Beethoven and votes Tory.

FFS do you not think before you post?

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