When do you know it's time?

When do you know it’s time? At what point in our lives do we know when we’ve had enough and have made the decision that you’re going to be the one who decides when to end our lives?
Weird coincidence, the song playing right now on my headphones is MY Funeral by the band DARK FUNERAL. Yes, it’s about suicide.
I’ve known for a few years now that I’ll probably kill myself once I’ve decided that I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been dealing with unending chronic pain for almost 8 years now, and nothing is getting better. The pain and numbness in my feet has spread to both legs now. Whenever I walk or stand on my feet for 5 minutes or more, I can’t feel my legs from the thighs down.
The osteoarthritis in my knees, hips, lower back, and neck is considered “moderate”, so the insurance company won’t authorize any more surgeries at this time. I had 12 surgical procedures between 2011-2018, all for arthritis related issues, including 2 spinal-fusion surgeries in my neck. I haven’t been able to sleep in a bed for years now because of the pain.
I’m fucking tired of being in pain 24/7.
I can’t live like this for another 5-10 years. Some days are worse than others, but even a “good” day like today means feeling like I’m 20 years older than I really am tonight.
I’ve decided that I’m going out on my own terms, maybe in 5 months or 5 years, I’m not sure. When do we know it’s time?

When one gives serious contemplation to such a weighty issue.

I have little influence on your decisions, but I plead with you to really take your time and not rush into a hasty decision. For my personal situation, I have fought to hard and gone through enough hardships not to give up.


There have been times when all of the shit almost overwhelms me, and I’ve broken down and been very emotional. My wife has always been there to help me deal with my situation.
She says I’m the toughest person she’s ever known, and to not give up hope. Then I get the “talk” about how much easier it would be to deal with everything if only I would come to Jesus. How the fuck is an imaginary friend going to get rid of the pain when my doctors don’t know what is going on, or how to treat me?
Now that Fall is almost here, this means an increase in my arthritis pain due to the colder weather we get here.
I don’t want to miss seeing our grandkids grow up, but realistically, I don’t know if I can do this much longer.
We’ve talked about a family trip down to Disneyland in 2024, I’ll turn 65, and our oldest granddaughter will be 16 that February. It does give me something to look forward too.

And that is exactly it for me as well Mr McAbre. I am your senior, Only by 6 years or so, in chronic pain and it is invading more and more sectors of my meatsack as I age…but I have minor wins, my invasive psoriasis is being temporarily defeated by a prescription medicine…prescribed to my partner…so now I go back to my doc and ever so politely ask him for the same fucking medicine…for the same symptoms that my wife had…we do NOT share doctors…so I will not not blame either of them.

Do you, Mr MacAbre have an “End of Life Plan” or whatever they call it in your jurisdiction? I made mine a few years ago and gives me peace of mind. If you do not have one, then you are more than welcome to message me and I will help you find out if they are legal and actionable in your jurisdiction.

Pain is a cunt of a thing, it distorts your thinking, I am in pain most of the day . Painkillers can be worse fucking up your intestines and your day, and your ability to interact with others, so no opioids for me…yet. I work with what is prescribed and try not to take more drugs that I can cope with and remain alert.

Me? I am happy to die anytime now. I have my end of life plan in place, I have my wills in place . Yesterday I thought that I was, indeed in extremis… but I was not and today…bright as a lark. Sleep was the secret.

Every day is good even though I take 16 different drugs every day. ( all free …yeh. amazing that terrible socialism that threatens the heart of “democracy” ) Today I gardened, sat in the early spring sunshine and reveled in life…Tomorrow my remaining 35% heart function may just give up…HOORAY. On the other hand it may not and I will clean the BBQ ready for the rest of the year. I love my cooked breakfasts at first light ( about 5:30am) eating in the company of local ravens and my wonderful cat companion. At least it is quiet before the wife wakes up and starts the morning moan.

Do not expect to leave a lasting memory, enjoy the fuck out of what you have today. Squeeze the tube of life until it has gone.

Oh and I listened to Dvorjack, why not give it a go instead of your usual “musical” diet today?..music doth soothe the savage breast… Dvorak - New World Symphony (Full) - YouTube

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It’s a very good question. Given your background of depression, I would suggest that you need to be extra careful in making this decision. It might be interesting to call one of the organizations sponsering euthenasia and talk to someone there, see what they say?

The five pilars of ethics is interesting: My best suggestion to you is to first be aware of your own personal issues. You freely admit that you have been depressive for years. I submit to you that were to to consider any such action, you place in on a date at leasts a year from now. and then, with the caveat that you can recend the date at any time within that period. Furthermore, should you recend it at any point, you must begin a new year of waiting. This merely insures that it is you making the decision and not your depression. In the mean time, you really need to speak with a euthenasia counselor. Anyone can stick a gun to their hean or leap from a building, that’s just a chickenshit response to life. A real decision sometimes takes work. Make sure you do the work before making the decision.


I’ve taken care of most of the things that have to be done when a family member dies. When our mom died in 2010, it was a shock, mainly because she hadn’t made any arrangements.
We had to decide everything other than her wanting to be buried, embalmed or not? What kind of casket, a church service(she was catholic) or memorial at the cemetery or the funeral home. We had to meet the mortician at the cemetery and pick out a spot. A lot of people, or just family?
After dealing with that, I’ve already reserved my spot in the cemetery(next to our mom), built my own coffin(yes, you can do that), and said I only want a graveside service, no religious crap, just plant me 6 feet under.
My kids know where my personal journals are, and that my last wishes are written in them. When I’m gone(whenever that is) they can locate them and read what I’ve written down. I started the journal(s) in 2014 when I was still working 4/10s at my job, plus almost 2 hours of commuting. I got up at 4:30 every day for almost 17 years doing that job, fucking hell.

“When do you know it’s time to kill yourself”?
This silly question presupposes that there is a time when we ALL will want to kill ourselves! Ridiculous.

It’s not even the right question. The correct question that needs to be answered is this:
WHY is suicide predominantly presumed to be a mental disorder or a “sin”?

We all believe that the merciful thing to do—and the right thing to do—is to “put our pet down” when it is suffering an incurable pain. So why should human beings not be granted the same merciful consideration as a house pet? Duh.

In Canada we have doctor assisted suicide. You have to approach it and there is a process for approval. (Medical Aid in Dying)

Many European countries have it as well.

As I understand it parts of Australia and the US also have it. ( California, Colorado, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Montana, Maine, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington )

Actually, No. It is specifically directed at those of us who have agreed with euthenasia and it is a very concerning issue to us. How will I know when it is time to go? I will certainly know the day I am diagnosed with a degenerative, unoperable, brain tumor, cancer, or possibly Alzimers. Depression, on the other hand, is a more difficult beast to tackle. Is the person wanting to end their life based on the depression or based on a logical choice. I assert they can only make that choice in a 'Non-depressive state, when they are fully aware and conscious of their decision. ’ Hence the need for a waiting period of a year. At any point during the year the choice to end one’s life can be recinded. Along with that information, I highly recommended euthenasia counseling. Those familiar with the process and the issues are the ones best to help guide an individual to a comfortable demise.

The question is in fact serious and important.


The second most important reason to move to Canada. I’m not stupid enough to make it my first. I Didn’t know *** ( California, Colorado, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Montana, Maine, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington

I’ve been in Korea a long time. Things have changed. It’s nice to know.

Well fuck… Not a single one of those states anywhere near me. Figures… :angry:


I find it curious that throughout my life as an adult I have been expected to make and be responsible for all of the important decisions in my life. Now that I am at an age where the most important decision may be how I cease to exist, that decision is not mine to make. Wait, WTF? I really don’t care whether or not it is legal. I have watched the prolonged suffering to a painful degree. We need considerate advocates who understand our perspective.


I think it is, that’s why I started this thread in the first place. I’m more than convinced that I’ll kill myself when my current situation becomes unbearable and I see no end in sight.
I honestly don’t know how many more years my family and my doctors expect me to be able to put up with all of this shit.
It’s been almost a decade now, and I don’t picture myself living for another 10 years if nothing ever improves.
I’ve made a deal with Satan(my kitty Abby really) that as long as she sticks around, I’ll do the same. She just had her last kitten wellness check today, and she’s doing great. Her weight has more than doubled in less than 2 months, and her vet says she healthy and looks great.
It’s things like my family and my cat that keep me wanting to stick around.
Here’s a picture of the 2 of us at the vets office.



Please don’t move here.

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That Kitty is my Captain Cat’s mini me…Captain Cat is the same colour tabby, but he does weigh 8.5 kg has sabres in his paws and stands on his back legs about 1.5m tall. Oh he is a sook…

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How old is Captain Cat? Whenever she’s not taking a nap, Abby follows me everywhere I go, even into the bathroom.
I keep a small cup of water in the bathroom sink for her, and she always gets into the sink and has a drink.
Right now, she’s getting some sunshine on the floor next to me in the office.

Mau (his real name to his humans…but not his secret feline name) is 6 years old. He was a double rescue i.e he had been homed before he was surrendered again as a 14 week old… He was (and is) an emotional mess The sound of a child triggers him to run and hide, he hates boots and can’t abide strange men, trucks and cheap cat food.
He needs company all day and shares his time equally between SWMBO’s lap and mine. If he cant have either he lies like a faithful hound at my feet.

He protects the house against all other cats and has zero fear of dogs…our neighbours’ dogs have a healthy fear of him though…it is hilarious to watch.

At the moment he is curled around my back in my chair, he keeps my back warm, I do the same for his belly.

He will wake up for his midday treats and fresh water ( has to be fresh from the tap in his fountain) and will spend the rest of the day napping on a lap.


My boy Max is a rescue. Most grateful cat. We care for six rats. He is such a softy. Couldn’t care less about the rats. He’s aging. I loathe the day he has to go :cry:

How do you know when it’s time to commit suicide? Is that what you are asking?

The question I’d ask is: How do you know that you KNOW, it’s time to commit suicide? What if you’re wrong?

My inclination is to say that you KNOW it’s time to kill yourself when EVERY alternative FACTUALLY points to UNAVOIDABLE, INTOLERABLE, NONSTOP pain and suffering (e.g., terminal cancer).

If your reason to commit suicide is PSYCHOLOGICAL, then NEVER do it. Because “this too will pass”. I have considered suicide rather often. One problem with this is HOW to succeed, without failing? What if you end up disabling yourself and end up worse than you were?! What a nightmare.

However, if your problem is “real” and the ONLY POSSIBLE OUTCOME IS UNAVOIDABLE PAIN AND SUFFERING…and this is a certain FACT…then it’s completely rational to escape this misery. We euthanize our pets when their pain is incurable, so why are we humans any less entitled to the same “mercy”?

There is nothing “sacred” about inescapable pain. If the ONLY solution is to end it by ending one’s life, then so be it.

But nothing is worse and more tragic than a life ending unnecessarily. Suicide is the absolute LAST ALTERNATIVE, when death is the ONLY logical, reasonable, merciful, humane solution.