What do you do in heaven?

If heaven was a real place (it isn’t), what are we supposed to do for all of eternity? I’ve always wanted to ask a “believer” point blank, what would we do once we got there? What’s the point, do we do it all over again? Are we just a running gag for the supposed creator of everything?


That’s a bloody good question.

From listening to a whole gamut of believers, it seems none of them have a clue.

The Mormons have the most horrendous idea:

First you get to meet all of your dead relatives with whom you get to spend eternity. As Stephen Fry asked your actual Mormon ; “What happens if you’ve been good?”

Mormons also believe that everyone gets his very own planet ,with people to whom he is a god. I have sneaking suspicion old Joe Smith didn’t think that through, just like the rest of the drivel he managed to con so many people into believing.

I once tried to read the book of Mormon. I think I managed about 100 pages.

Written in a faux King James style, it reads exactly as one would expect from a white, semi literate con man in early nineteenth century America. One who had read the bible a few times, as was common then. .

The catholics seem to have given the matter a bit more thought. I should think so too, they’ve had 2000 years.

I’ve discussed the matter with a Catholic priest with a bit of theology under his belt. He said that time and space came into existence when god created the universe. After the final days, time and space will no longer be needed. All of existence will become an ever-present ‘now’.

OK, but what will one actually do ? I gather we’ll all just sit around worshipping god. Sounds pretty fucking stultifying to me


It would be just my luck those people would turn out to be bloody atheists.
If this planet fantasy were true, I would ensure all hominid lines with unnaturally large frontal lobes were heavily suppressed, maybe even extinct, and just let the natural flora and fauna do their evolution thing without all that smartarse technology obsession fucking things up. I am quite fond of nature documentaries and from what we know of earth, my planet should provide some interesting and complex viewing and take care of at least 3.5 billion years of eternity.

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For the first few 100 years I would be just fine. But once getting into millions of years I would want to kill myself, unfortunately if you are immortal that’s impossible.

We get to slurp the yummiest noodles for eternity.

Sing praise to the grandmaster of course, for all of eternity…sounds more like hell to me.

I thought that for heaven to be enticing to me it should allow me to do all the stuff I want to do on earth, but can’t due to health, ethical and legal implications.

It should have the biggest whiskey/whisky collection that can never get finished. Heaven should allow for some drugs, and unprotected meaningless sex as often as possible. Drive all kinds of different vehicles and motorcycles at stupid speeds. Heaven should also have the biggest library.

Come to think of it, even all that would become boring after a couple of months, leading me to think that the value of life lies not in the possible grandiose afterlife, but in the very real end of it all.

Death is what gives life value, because without it life would be fucking boring.

You continue to grow. (Simple answer.) You are not the same as you were when you were 3. You are not the same as you were when you were 10. You are not the same as you were when you were 20. You will not be the same when you are 50. You will be different again at 100. What do you imagine you will be like when you turn 1000 and have heaven to explore. What do you imagine is after that?

I give eating my favourite food non-stop a week before it gets old.

Heaven as a concept would be anathema to the mindset of finite beings.


Even if there would be lots of young willing boys there to play with, it would still get old. I behave myself on this plain of existence.
Many reasons for that, as consequences are too harsh, and the boys are scared for life.

Pot fields anywhere and everywhere I wanted and growing the best pot, would get old too.

I can not imagine a worse hell.

How was that @Sheldon ??

Say what now?

Fairly disconcerting to be honest…


Just trying to say it doesn’t matter what I would be allowed to do, it would get boring after a few million years.

The Devil’s marking me

I had a dream the other night; the strangest dream of all
I dreamt I was in Heaven, away from life’s hard call
It was as I imagined: where peace reigned all supreme
The signs to Heaven were in all in Welsh, Hells signs were painted green

I entered through the heavenly gate; I heard the heavenly band
And there was John the Baptist, on Barry_John)'s right hand
He plays for the Heaven Welsh Fifteen. They’re very fit and keen
We’d play the Heaven English, if they could only raise a team

There was rugby every morning on a field of golden corn
And the referee was Gabriel and he blew on a sliver horn
They tell me we play Hell next week, in the annual charity
I wouldn’t mind, but I’ve been told, the Devil’s marking me

But now my dream has faded and I wake up to the morn
I find beneath my pillow a sheaf of golden corn
So I know that when I go there, beyond death’s victory
I’ll take my rugby jersey on that gospel train with me

Max Boyce

We All Had Doctors Papers.

Micheal Jackson would be there - play with him (I don’t give a fuck what you play)…at least it’s age appropriate.



But my my point was that if heaven were real, I could do stuff without the stigma of lots of consequences. As well as scars from the abuse as that sticks with a person for life.

But it would still get boring after awhile being allowed to act on impulses which I fight every-time I see little boys. It is not only the personal consequences and being arrested for those actions. It is the scars it leaves on a child which makes me not do it.

I am just plain better than your normal pedophile as I don’t act on those impulses. I do write fiction on it which is my way of dealing with those impulses. Can not share any as it’s banned to share such material.

…hmmmm :thinking:

I appreciate your honesty and the claim that you do not act on your “impulses”. Your awareness of damage to the child and the criminal behaviour of such acts in reality.

Your mind can imagine all sorts of stuff. I’ve imagined robbing, kidnapping, being a “hit man”, an escort - all sorts of stuff that are illegal.

I cannot relate to your particular impulse. However, I imagine “heaven” would not be a place to enact the crimes I’ve listed above. Not really “heavenly” for the victim of my “hit” or “kidnapping”.

Peodophiles are in this area of impulse. A harmful criminal impulse that does not leave a “victimless” crime.

Pot smoking? Victimless.
Escort? Victimless (two consenting adults).

Children regardless of “what they say” or “adult interpretations of what they may consider flirting” DO NOT HAVE the capacity to consent.

Perhaps “heaven” is losing this criminal impulse, just like I wouldn’t need the thrill to “rob a bank”.

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Instead or replying to everything piece at a time I will only reply to this.

Yes and especially under 10 they can not really consent to sexual behavior. They should be at least at an age they can. 16 in some places, but less than that they do not understand it well enough for that.

Edit; It would still be fun for me for a little while, but would still get old.

Me? If I was in Heaven, I would sit back and relax, with a nice tall, cold glass of beer, by the beach, listening to the sounds of the ocean. Basically, I would be chillin like a villain. Word up, yo!

Well… I don’t know about the rest of you but I am going to completely enjoy my 42 virgins, cuz… Whispering "Is White Listening? I’m The Man! I’m gonna…

Baby only a real woman could handle you!


hehehehe patriarchal society, my ass!

You’re all assuming that there will be sex in the standard Biblical fantasy heaven. If after we die we become angels, and if there was sex in heaven, it seems as if it would be predominately homosexual. Apart from ‘two women with wings’ mentioned in Ezekial or somewhere, who are not designated as ‘angels’ every other angel in the Bible is described as male. Names mentioned for angels are all masculine. No mention is ever made about baby angels or day care for toddler angels. Are these angels asexual?
Apart from anything else, after several billion years even bonking would become a chore.
Its a silly subject.

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