Okay, now what? part 2

The more things change, the more they stay the same. These past few days have pretty much sucked for a couple of reasons. The situation with my wife and my cat Abby has come down to the decision that I can’t keep my wife and Abby without life being extremely stressful and unpleasant. We get angry with each other every single night because of the cat.
Basically, Becky doesn’t like pets in general, and Abby pushes her buttons just being here. She has gone from being very supportive when our kids offered her as a fathers day gift and I first brought her home, to complete indifference and anger every time she does something she doesn’t like, which is all the time.
I’ve worked with Abby on her behavior and she’s a very nice kitty, but that’s the problem, she’s still a kitten. We play fetch several times a day, we have a routine for her food, her litter box, which I clean every single day. Her “box” is in the bathtub in the other bathroom, so it’s hidden and her digging to china doesn’t end up on the floor.
I let her go out into the garage to explore and do “kitty” stuff since our place is pretty small for a growing kitty. At night, we play with her wand toys or her shoelaces until she decides it’s time for bed. Then she jumps on my lap and curls up on my chest.

We had a discussion a few nights ago, and weighed the pros and cons of having a young kitty in our place and in our life, and I (we) came to the conclusion that she’s too disruptive and too nosey to continue living with us. She jumps up on everything she can reach, which drives Becky crazy and sometimes annoys me. But I simply put her down and tell her “no”, which works 90% of the time. I know she still does it while we’re either sleeping or not at home. Becky thinks giving her a “time out” in the office for 5 minutes will teach her not to do it, but every time I’d open the door to let her out, she’s perched on top of the 6 foot tall pantry in the office.
I think it’s pretty funny, but I don’t tell Becky that.
So as hard as this is, I have to find her a new home(fuck). I’ve tried to contact a local cat adoption service, but they haven’t returned my email yet. The local no kill humane society will take her, but only when they have more room, so I’m on their waiting list. They also want a $75.00 donation when/if Becky takes her there, I can’t do it. It’s too fucking hard for me to just drive over there and just give her away.
We’re going to tell our kids and their spouses tomorrow, I’m hoping one of them knows someone who could/would take her and give her a new home. That’s all I want, is for her to go to a good home with more room and maybe even a new brother or sister to play with.
I’m also donating her 2 kitty perches, all of her food, even her cat carrier.
I’m done with this, I won’t go through this ever again, having to lose my best friend and companion. My last cat Molly died less than a week after my older sister Susan died in august '20. That day was the closest I’ve ever come to completely losing it, and I’m afraid of that happening again.
On a lighter note, the other reason I’m writing this is because of something that happened yesterday. Our son-in-law came over yesterday to help me put up a new set of blinds in the office window, the original ones were falling apart. My wife has moved all of her clothes and shoes in there so she can get dressed and get ready for work with the door closed and keep Abby out of her “stuff”.
He brought the grandkids with him so we could visit, and when we were done and they were getting ready to leave, our youngest granddaughter Nora was sitting at the dining room table and I was in the kitchen. When we were saying goodbye, our 3 year old granddaughter looked at me and said"grandpa, Jesus is real, why don’t you believe in him?" Really? A 3 year old?
When I didn’t answer and looked at him, all he could say is “she cares”.
Now I’m hearing this bullshit from a 6 year old and a 3 year old. Jesus fucking christ, how am I supposed to respond to something like that without blowing our family apart?
I love my family, but sometimes I wonder. I’m thinking about going all in on my Satanic/Atheist beliefs and ordering some occult jewelry from a website dedicated to Wiccan/Satanic practitioners. I wonder how they’d react if I showed up to one of our family gatherings wearing an inverted crucifix and/or sigil of Lucifer necklace, or even one of the Norse tree of creation (Yggdrasil) pendants that haven’t seen the light of day for years?
It’s tempting.
(sorry for the long message)

Disciplining a house pet with anything that isn’t immediate is pointless, and probably cruel.

Buy your wife a fancy squirt gun that can be easily loaded with chucks of ice (so it can squirt ice water on the cat); it might not respect her normally, but it will respect any person holding that water pistol.

I fully agree. Discipline of a pet must come immediately after the infraction. And yes, five minutes is cruel. The point is to make them understand they did something you disapprove of. I have placed my dog in the back room and closed the door, she immediately knows I am unhappy. But ten seconds later I open the door and let her out.

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The spray bottle works on our cat. It’s super effective.


I generally just have a discussion with my cats. I go over the pros and cons of various behaviors and then answer any questions they might have. We have an understanding that I don’t expect them to behave like a human, and I will do my best to behave like a cat, inasmuch as it is reasonable to do so…

Edit catscratchfever


Aside from the cat talk. My family quit caring about me being an Atheist. My mom isn’t as devout as she was years ago. I think I’ve had a profound impact on her from our discussions & why I became an Atheist. She’s really laid back but she still believes.

She apologized to me for forcing her religion on to me. She understands & acknowledges that it was wrong and that it caused me to melt down as a teenager and caused me mental & emotional distress through out my 20’s.

Lately I think the reason why she’s being kind and understanding is that she’s not taking well to my recent medical diagnosis (severe sleep apnea) and blames herself for it. I don’t blame her. It’s just how mother nature is. She was devastated to hear from the specialists diagnostic report that I stopped breathing 75 times in an hour. They call those events.

I think this has shaken her faith in her god.

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Yeah that is super bad; that will kill you 25 years early left untreated. It runs in my family. I’ve “inherited” several different CPAP systems from relatives who were diagnosed but never really used them (then died). I’ve been compliant for maybe 18 years now.


We’ve got squirt bottles around the house, and at that moment, it works very well, but not well enough for my wife. She expects Abby to learn and behave like a child would, she’s even chased her around the house calling her a “stupid bitch” when she’s really angry. Becky has even smacked her a couple of times, but after the last time, I told her never again. You don’t need to hurt her.
I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

On the second reason I posted this, how am I supposed to respect members of my own family when our 3 and 6 year old grandkids ask me questions about why I’m an atheist? What the hell are they telling them?
Granpa’s going to go to hell because he doesn’t believe in Jesus or the Bible. Our older granddaughters(they’re 10 and 14) know I’m an atheist and have accepted it. They don’t care because it doesn’t change who I am. I’m their tattooed, abbynormal grandfather who drives a cool truck. Good enough for me.

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Gee, how very Christian of her. :roll_eyes:


That’s okay, she was only smiting the cat. God told her to do it. :joy:

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At that age, I feel like it’s okay to say you just have a different relationship with Jesus and if they ask then tell them you can’t know what he’s like because you’ve never met him before?

I hope that, as they grow older and become more curious about the world, that they may see you as a non-judgemental figure they can bring their questions about god to; most people will probably not support them asking questions like ‘is god evil?’ or ask them how they feel about it. And though I wouldn’t hold them to the expectation, maybe at least one of them will dare to ask the questions and appreciate the engaging nature of really talking about it and being allowed to wonder.

Maybe most of all just asking their opinion on it and asking why they feel that way is the best I can say; at least it’s putting the onus on them to explain their beliefs and it will make them think about it.

That definitely sounds like a difficult situation… Stay strong, brother :fist:

I’m sorry for your kitty, I hope that she is mentally and emotionally okay and that she finds a good home; thoughts and cares :disappointed_relieved:

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@Aexistentialist Welcome to Atheist Republic.

Unfortunately mr macabre’s family know full well his position on jesus and god. I understand and appreciate your attempt to minimize the differences, but that ship has sailed a long time ago.


Fair point on that :confused: probably better not to try to act anyways, I feel like it is definitely difficult to explain your position when someone is that young and thinks the answer is obvious

And you tell them, they aren’t going to get any toys because they don’t believe in Santa Claus. Someone needs to lighten up and see the humor in all this bullshit.

Grandpa’s going to burn in hell. Try waiving your hands above your head and screaming in mock horror. ‘Aaaaaaaahhhhhh! The angry Jesus is coming after me! Help me I’m melting. Do you think he will be riding his white horse?’ Baboon the entire situation. The God thing is angry again. (Run to the sink and toss water on your face.)
A flood is coming, quick save the animals. Refuse to take anyone seriously. ‘Run to the kitchen and grab the marshmallows.’ Tell them you just pooped your pants, and now you have to go to the bathroom. Let everyone know what a fucking joke you think such comments are in a very polite and funny way. (Tin Man is great at this.) Don’t get upset, get real. Play with them and refuse to take them seriously no matter how they react. Treat them like they are trying to fool you. Like you are stupid, and they are all playing a practical joke on you, but you know what is up, and you are not falling for it.

You will confuse the hell out of them, and you can start having fun with their antics. Change the way you are reacting to them. Stop letting them control how you feel. REFUSE TO PLAY THEIR GAME. MAKE THEM PLAY YOURS.

What does this have to do with good ole mom? Well, I got all the negative comments as well. “Your going to burn in hell.” is just as bad as “You will grow up to be just like your father.” “You only think about yourself.” “I wish you would die.” Etc.

The woman had me by the balls until I was about 16 and learned to not give a shit about what she said any more. “Your going to be just like your father.”

Treat them like they treat you, “You poor idiot, you don’t have a clue do you. Look at your fucked up life. It’s time to drop to your knees and talk to the magical flying sky daddy again.” It’s your fault I am like this, you aren’t praying hard enough. Why don’t you go to your room and pray? If Jesus wanted me to be a believer he would have made me that way, don’t cha think? (Stop being serious with these people, they do not deserve seriousness.)


lol reminds me of this guy. :joy:

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Edit elf porn

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Would like to add a bit to what Cog suggested, if I may. Because, like he said, how you react/respond to things can make a big difference. For instance…

When I first joined the AR, I was just coming to terms in accepting I am an atheist. Therefore, I knew very little, and I was hesitant to get involved in serious discussions. I mostly just sat back and watched and socialized. But after spending a few weeks getting adjusted and learning a few things, I found myself going into full attack mode against some of the regular theists we had here at the time. I was merciless. As such, I almost got my ass kicked out of here. Thankfully, with the helpful patience of a couple of great Mods, I quickly learned to change my tactics. Basically, I learned to use their own ridiculous beliefs against them, but in such a way that highlights the absurd contradictions and inconsistencies for others to see. Granted, the individual being addressed may not see the point you are making, but it’s a good bet others who hear you will get it. And if the individual DOES understand and gets upset, then let HIM/HER be the one who rants and looks like a maniac. Meanwhile, you are all calm, relaxed, and happy with a smile on your face.

Here is what I usually tell others who still hold onto anger about religion. You escaped. You are no longer captivated by the delusion. You beat the indoctrination and the brainwashing. You can see things now more clearly than you ever did before. Therefore, you should be HAPPY and carefree in the face of the religious nonsense. As such, LET THAT SHOW. They see you as angry and miserable because that is what you constantly display. Therefore, it is only natural in their eyes that you need God to make you happy again. In other words, YOU are feeding into their beliefs. So STOP feeding them. Prove them wrong. Show them you can be happy without their precious Sky Daddy. You don’t believe in their nonsense, so why let sonething you don’t believe make you miserable?

Oh, one other VERY IMPORTANT thing to remember. Please pay close attention to this: YOU WILL NOT CHANGE THEIR MINDS ABOUT THEIR GOD. So get that hope completely out of your head. If it DOES happen to one of them, then great. Fantastic. Don’t hold your breath, though. Meanwhile, consider your grandchildren. How you behave can have a major impact on what they believe as their life goes along. Don’t you think it’s best that they remember you as happy and fun, compared to the other family members who constantly hold the threat of hell over them? Just saying…

(Edit for asymmetric warfare.)


I remember those days, Tin. So glad you stuck around and became who you are.


A long time ago my wife had a cat that was so stuborn/loved frozen shrimp so much that he couldn’t be repelled by any mere squirt gun. I hit him with the vegatable sprayer at the sink and he just kind of balled up and took it, all the while trying to hook a shrimp with a claw. Finally a blast of cold water from the sprayer directly aimed as his “behind”, drove him away. After that we just gave him one at the start of meal prep, which was much easier.

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