Misconceptions About The Bible

The Bible doesn’t say that the heavens (universe) and earth were created in 6 literal days.

The Bible doesn’t state or imply the age of the universe or Earth.

The Bible doesn’t say that the Earth is flat.

The Bible doesn’t say that a snake or donkey talked.

The Bible doesn’t say that the soul is immortal.

The Bible doesn’t say that all good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell.

The Bible doesn’t teach the trinity.

The Bible doesn’t teach that Jesus was born on December 25th.

The Bible doesn’t say that Jesus died on the Roman t shaped cross.

The Bible doesn’t teach the rapture.

The Bible doesn’t teach that God is omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient or omnibenevolent.

The Bible doesn’t teach that God can see into the future as if from a crystal ball.

The Bible doesn’t teach Christmas, Easter or any pagan holidays.

There’s probably more but that’s at least a start.

Right. But that is what Christians tell us…So that is why you will hear references to such things here.

Well, THANK GOD! Finally! After all these centuries; after the development of thousands of different Christian sects; after countless long and bloody wars over whose interpretation of the bible is correct; Mr. Semm has come along and singlehandedly cleared up all those misconceptions for us. Would somebody PLEASE give this man a Nobel Prize for his astonishing enlightenment on a problem that has plagued humanity for hundreds of years?


Praise the lord. I can feel the holy spirit coursing through my right hand and making my crotch tingle with excitement! halle- fuck’n- lujah!!



It also doesn’t say that Eric the Rainbow Farting Unicorn was running around with Kyle in the Middle East in the Bronze Age, either. So what?


Hey, I didn’t know Eric and Kyle knew each other. I just learned something new today. Funny, though, how Kyle never mentioned Eric to me… (scratching head in puzzlement)…

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Wait, something is trying to come in my brain…something I remember from another thread…uh, I almost have it…Oh yeah "smug arrogance " that’s it…sorry to “cross-thread” it makes it hard to get your nuts on when you do that…

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Ask Jenny about it. Its a whole thing, maybe even in the Bible somewhere.

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Well of course you need to understand that the “authors” meant something entirely different from what so-called “biblical scholars” would tell you. You need an expert to decipher the writings…Hmmmm I wonder who you might be able to consult…Hmmm I will have to get back to you on that.


No shit. The Bible doesn’t teach anything worth knowing. I’m surprised it ever became a religion.

Imagine that Chris and Norm are good friends. One day they are talking:

Chris: Wow, you will not believe this book I’ve been reading!

Norm: What’s it about?

Chris: It is a manual for living a better life. It is also a guide to creating a better society for ourselves and our children. It has changed my life!

Norm: That sounds like an important book. Who wrote it?

Chris: The author is supposed to be the smartest person in the universe.

Norm: That’s amazing – if the author is the smartest person in the universe, the book must be absolutely brilliant. I can’t wait to see it. Do you have a copy with you?

Chris: Absolutely! I carry it with me everywhere I go! Here, have a look for yourself…

Norm opens the book to a random page, and he finds this:

Consecrate yourselves therefore, and be holy; for I am the Lord your God. Keep my statutes, and observe them; I am the Lord; I sanctify you.

All who curse father or mother shall be put to death; having cursed father or mother, their blood is upon them.

If a man commits adultery with the wife of his neighbour, both the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death. The man who lies with his father’s wife has uncovered his father’s nakedness; both of them shall be put to death; their blood is upon them.

If a man lies with his daughter-in-law, both of them shall be put to death; they have committed perversion; their blood is upon them.

If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them. [Leviticus, chapter 20]

Norm is not quite sure what to say. He looks at Chris for a moment.

Norm: I thought you said that this is written by the most intelligent person in the universe. If we are going to follow what this author says, we have to kill half the people in America. We are supposed to kill everyone who has cursed his father or mother, everyone who has committed adultery, and every homosexual.

Chris: Well, that’s in the old testament, you see. The book is really two books, and the “old” part of the book doesn’t really apply.

Norm: Are you saying that the smartest person in the universe once wanted us to kill every adulterer and homosexual, but then changed his mind? That somehow makes it better? If the “old part” no longer applies, then why did you hand it to me?

Chris: Well, parts of it do apply.

Norm: Didn’t you just tell me that it doesn’t apply?

Norms opens the book to another random page and he finds this:

When you buy a male Hebrew slave, he shall serve for six years, but in the seventh he shall go out a free person, without debt. If he comes in single, he shall go out single; if he comes in married, then his wife shall go out with him. If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the wife and her children shall be her master’s and he shall go out alone. But if the slave declares, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out a free person’, then his master shall bring him before God. He shall be brought to the door or the doorpost; and his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall serve him for life.

When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do. If she does not please her master, who designated her for himself, then he shall let her be redeemed; he shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has dealt unfairly with her. If he designates her for his son, he shall deal with her as with a daughter. If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish the food, clothing, or marital rights of the first wife. And if he does not do these three things for her, she shall go out without debt, without payment of money.

Whoever strikes a person mortally shall be put to death. If it was not premeditated, but came about by an act of God, then I will appoint for you a place to which the killer may flee. But if someone wilfully attacks and kills another by treachery, you shall take the killer from my altar for execution.

Whoever strikes father or mother shall be put to death.

Whoever kidnaps a person, whether that person has been sold or is still held in possession, shall be put to death. Whoever curses father or mother shall be put to death.

When individuals quarrel and one strikes the other with a stone or fist so that the injured party, though not dead, is confined to bed, but recovers and walks around outside with the help of a staff, then the assailant shall be free of liability, except to pay for the loss of time, and to arrange for full recovery.

When a slave-owner strikes a male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies immediately, the owner shall be punished. But if the slave survives for a day or two, there is no punishment; for the slave is the owner’s property. [Exodus, chapter 21]

Again, Norm is dumfounded. Here the author of the book is advocating slavery, the branding of slaves, and the wholesale beating of slaves. Norm is not quite sure what to say. He looks at Chris for a moment and then speaks.

Norm: You have to be kidding me. Here the “smartest person in the universe” is telling us that slavery is OK and that we are free to beat our slaves.

Norm opens the book to another random page and you find this:

I desire, then, that in every place the men should pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or argument; also that the women should dress themselves modestly and decently in suitable clothing, not with their hair braided, or with gold, pearls, or expensive clothes, but with good works, as is proper for women who profess reverence for God. Let a woman learn in silence with full submission. I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she is to keep silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing, provided they continue in faith and love and holiness, with modesty. [1 Timothy, chapter 2]

Norm is nearly speechless. But he manages to find his voice.

Norm: Is this some kind of joke? “I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over a man.” That is totally sexist! In America, there are millions of female teachers and we have women throughout our corporate and government hierarchies. No intelligent person believes that women should be silenced.

As Norm pages through the book further he finds that it is totally sexist from beginning to end.

Norm keeps opening the book to random pages, and nearly everything he finds is utter nonsense. Either it is meaningless, completely irrelevant, disgusting or downright wrong.

If Norm is a scientist it is even worse, and it starts with the very first line:

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth…

That’s not true. In the beginning a natural event created the universe as we know it, and the earth did not form until billions of years later. The creation story in Genesis is completely wrong. Simply read Genesis and you can see it. For example, the Bible says that light and darkness are created after the water but before the sun. Everyone knows that the sun came first, then the planet and its rotation (which is what causes light and darkness to occur on a daily basis) and then the water, and this all happened over million of years. There are many other problems with the Bible:

  • Man did not come from a handful of dust through some mythological being. Man evolved from other species like every other living thing has for hundreds of millions of years.
  • The Bible talks about a world-wide flood that covered earth in 5.5 miles of water and killed everything, yet we know it never happened. That is clear from the archeolgical record.
  • There was no tower of Babel where God confounded the languages of mankind.

The list goes on and on. The Bible is nonsense in a thousand different scientific ways.

Ask yourself this simple question: Why, when you read the Bible, are you not left in awe? Why doesn’t a book written by an omniscient being leave you with a sense of wonder and amazement? If you are reading a book written by the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving creator of the universe, wouldn’t you expect to be stunned by the brilliance, the clarity and the wisdom of the author? Would you not expect each new page to intoxicate you with its incredible prose and its spectacular insight? Wouldn’t you expect the author to tell us things that scientists have not been able to discover yet?

Yet, when we open the Bible and actually read it, we find it is nothing like that at all. Instead of leaving us in awe, it leaves us dumbfounded by all of the nonsense and backwardness that it contains. If you read what the Bible actually says, you find that the Bible is ridiculous. The examples shown above barely scratch the surface of the Bible’s numerous problems. If we are honest with ourselves, it is obvious that an “all-knowing” God had absolutely nothing to do with this book.

The reason why the Bible contains so much nonsense is because God is imaginary. The Bible is a book written thousands of years ago by primitive men. A book that advocates senseless murder, slavery and the oppression of women has no place in our society today.



Wait… Eric, Kyle, AND Jenny?.. Oooooh… I think I’m starting to get it now. Yeah, that explains a few things. Those three-way “relationships” rarely work out very well. So sad.


Yes, figuring out that Christians like to lie (or more often just repeat the lies of others) about the Bible must have required an IQ of at least 300.


Good point. And to think, how much trouble could have been avoided over the centuries if only Mr. Semm could have been there to advise King James and Constantine? Oh, well. Missed opportunities, I suppose… (shrugging shoulders)…

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@Semmelweis_Reflex Maybe you should take this revelation to some christians because most atheists DON’T GIVE A SHIT

You are about as insightful as a lint trap.


Sorry, Dave, but that’s being a bit unfair. I actually learn some valuable lessons from my lint trap sometimes.

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Look at the pointless responses! I must have insulted the wrong atheist god. Let me think . . . smug and arrogant. @Cognostic?


Yes, you are right. I am smug and arrogant. Everyone here will tell you that. You’re reporting here what I figured out in elementary school. That does make me feel quite smug.

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Phew! I am SO glad you did not say “intelligent”. Cog is already way too smug and arrogant as it is. LAST THING we need is somebody saying he is intelligent.

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Its more that the standard of evidence when the bible was written was abysmally bad, IMHO. Therefore, who gives a shit?

Unless this is heading into a debate about the historicity and primary source evidence of bible contents… In that case, some reading of other threads covering that subject may or may not be of great help.

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I just realized something. Mr. Semm speaks as though he is unaware that most of the atheists here (myself included) were once Christian. Meaning, most all those things he mentioned in the OP were EXACTLY what we were taught FROM THE BIBLE as being TRUE. Now, speaking only for myself, prior to finally breaking away from my religious indoctrination, those topics actually had meaning to me in some form or fashion. However, knowing the things I know now, I honestly could not care less about ANY of it, as it no longer pertains to my personal life. More to the point, as an atheist, I do not believe ANYTHING in the bible to be true/factual.

HOOOOOOW-EVER… You still have millions of CHRISTIANS out there who ABSOLUTELY believe (without a doubt) most everything mentioned in the OP to be unquestionably true. Therefore, I have to say I’m perplexed as to why Mr. Semm is here sharing his revelations with atheists, rather than going to a Christian forum to open the eyes of his fellow god-lovers. Seems to me THEY are the ones who are in most need of hearing his message.