I will be split on this. I did think N’s comment was abrupt. My own opinion.
LOL… I have, and I cited 2 such cases. They do not talk morality with me anymore. Perhaps we can attribute it to ‘style’ and not necessarily the message. Things that work for one person, often do not work for another. Currently, I am an educator and a trainer. I teach teachers how to teach. The hardest thing to do is to get people to find their own skills and use them.
That was the analogy. I have thousands of others. Everything from students failing classes, finding a date… It does not matter. There is a simple technique called Reality Socratic Questioning that does just this and for all manner of issues.
RSQ
What do you want? (Listen to BS)
What do you really want (Pin down a specific goal)
What do you do? (Listen to the garbage)
What do you really do? (Listen to specific information; get facts on behavior.)
How is what you are doing getting you what you want? (The only acceptable response here is; 'It’s not."
Here is where confrontation takes place. You say you want this, but you do this. You hold the person’s feet to the fire. You say they are lying about what they want. You point out they are doing very little or nothing to get what they want. If they agree, you go back to the beginning. So what do you want? If they insist it is what they want, you continue,
What are you willing to do to get what you want? (Listen to bullshit.)
What are you really willing to do? (Pin the person down to exact specifications, objectives, and easily accomplished goals.)
I don’t need alcoholism. Pinning people down until there is no wiggle room at all, works. You treat them exactly the same!
Taken care of in Questions number 4, and 5. This is exactly where you call bullshit! Denying is not allowed. This works for alcoholic interventions and students failing classes. It works for husbands whose marriages are falling apart and it works for people feeling depressed. It is a simple and extremely useful “Technique.” That is in quotes because relying on techniques is … well… not very bright. I’m using it as an example.
A student who is not doing his homework is also inflicting physical harm on himself. A husband and wife in a bad situation are also inflicting physical and psychological harm on themselves and others around them. Your differences are not significantly distinct. Harm is harm.
A hammer will peel a potato just fine when the end result is a beautiful swirl of mashed potatoes. Personally, you are certainly entitled to your opinion and I am more than happy to agree to disagree.