This was an accidental post, but it’s funny so I left it. The next is the Christmas cheer song I wanted to post.
Here you go!
Damn those two little fuckers! 
I knew I shouldn’t have trusted them. You have any idea how long it took me to collect some of that stuff? Years, I tell ya… YEARS! And then ther-… 
… Oh no… Oh no-no-no-no-no… Shhhhh-iiiiiit! The pig nose was in there! Oh…Dear…GOD! That thing was never suppose to be seen again! F-f-f-fuuuuuck!..(frantically running toward door)… Quick! Which way did they go?
THAT’S the spirit, Shelly! Way to lead by example! (But you seemed a little flat on that B sharp note in the middle there. No worries, though. It’s the thought that counts.) Keep up the good work!
Excellent. Excellent… Definitely cheerful and uplifting. Good man.
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I would have gone gold but they found that one too. I just don’t see myself strapping it on after a couple of mice have had their way with it.
I think I just single-handed lay recovered the Canadian economy 
I had a mouthful of mince pie and port… 
Ah. Okay. Well then, I suppose that explains the little clumps of goo on the music sheets as I was collecting them. But - hey - it wouldn’t be festive without food and drink now, would it?
Not for me, I’m all about the food and drink, the superstion I let pass me by. 
Another oldie but goodie for your holiday festivities…
“The Payback Song”
(Sing to the tune of “The Christmas Song” in the voice of Bing Crosby)
Chet’s nuts roasting
On an open fiiiire
As she sips her wiiine of whiiite.
Little red spots
Of blood on her dressss
That she’ll have to clean tonight.
Ever since she
Caaaught him cheeeeating
With that little slut,
She’d been planning his demiiise.
She set the trap.
Then luuu-ured him innnn.
She giggles thinking of his cries.
So yest-er-daaaaay
When cops arriiived,
She begged and pleaded,
“Bring my dear Chet
Home aliiiive.”
And as the tears rolled dooown
Her distraught face,
She knows that
She did not leave them
Aaa traaaace…
And soooo she nibbles
On Chet’s toasted balls,
Annnticipating what she’ll dooo.
That little skank whore
Gagged and bound 'neath her flooooor…
She’ll make herrr cryyyyy…
Boooooo-hoooooo…
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This is what Santa does all year long right before the holiday while he uses his elven and human servants to extort companies and steal television sets.
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Should also be in blasphemous art…. 
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That poor bastard! Imagine having to deal with that for 364 days out of the year, but being able to come only once.
Jesus describes hell as the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. He is describing a place full of people who were intelligent but too proud to accept the fact that this universe, by design, does not produce life as a result of it’s level of entropy at the time when life began. The fact that brilliant people like yourself are blind to this fact as it stares you in the face is a blatant display of the power of His most powerful creation.
… Sooo, all those centuries prior to the development of Christianity, I suppose all those millions (billions) of people who knew nothing at all about Jesus or the bible are just totally fucked, huh? I have to wonder, are you aware there were several civilizations/cultures that came and went looooong before anybody ever heard of Christianity or Jesus? And each of those civilizations had their own god(s) and religious beliefs. Even in today’s “modern era”, I dare say there are still a few primitive tribes in some remote jungle areas that have never been exposed to Christianity or Jesus. I guess those poor bastards are just shit-outta-luck, huh? Oh my goodness! Thanks, Lukang. I needed a good laugh today.
Okay, now that I have my laughing fit under control, I shall now downshift a bit to mild amusement. Granted, given the subject, it will be a struggle to contain my laughter, but I’ll do my best.
Your god is All-Powerful. It is All-Knowing. Correct? And though it may vary somewhat from denomination to denomination, the general consensus is that:
- Your god is PERFECT and it has a Perfect Plan for humanity and that plan CANNOT BE CHANGED. Furthermore, it created EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US PERFECTLY to fulfill that plan. Oh, and your god DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES.
- Your god knows Past, Present, and FUTURE. Knew what every single person and creature on this planet would do/think long before they ever even existed. Knows my thoughts/feelings even as I sit here typing this post. Actually KNEW I would be sitting here today typing this exact post eons before I ever existed.
- Your god created Everything. Let me repeat: EV-ER-Y-THING. (That includes Evil, by the way. Also includes the rules by which it judges its precious human pets.)
- Your god is capable of DOING anything.
So, that covers the basics of what I was taught while growing up. Now, despite growing up as a Christian in a Christian family, I do not believe in your god. Nor do I believe in any of the other nonsense contained within that book that is often referred to as “The Perfect Word of God” (aka: The Bible) Never made sense to me as a child. It’s even more ridiculous to me now that I’m an educated and experienced adult. And remember, YOUR GOD made me PERFECT to help with its Perfect Plan. There is no possible way I can change that. NOBODY can change that. And your god NEVER makes mistakes. Therefore, it stands to reason your god knows EXACTLY why I think the way I do, and as such KNOWS exactly why I do not believe in it. And since your god is capable of doing ANYTHING, your god could EASILY do whatever is necessary to make me believe in it. YET, it has not done that. In which case, I can only conclude I am doing EXACTLY what your god intended for me to do in order to accomplish its Perfect Plan. So if your god ends up sending me to the hell it created because I was only doing what it programmed me to do, there is not a damn thing I can do about that. Meanwhile, though, I choose to enjoy the life I have now while I have it.
I’m feeling the holiest of spirits possess me… it’s overcoming me. I might even start speaking in tongues!
Nope, it’s just god talking, sending personal Brain Messages about something that’s going to happen. What’s that, god? There will soon be a walking of goal posts back and forth? In this forum? Or someone just pulling things out of their ass about your alleged wishes and intentions, here in this thread? Or maybe both?
Well ok, but that’s been done here before and dealt with. But then you know best, right? Lord? Jesus? Holy ghost?
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Oh, by the way, don’t call Sheldon brilliant. Granted, he IS a brilliant guy, I must say. But people calling him brilliant causes him to get embarrassed, and he ends up blushing. Sure, it’s cute and we all get a kick out of seeing him blush, but then he goes hiding away for a day or two until he stops blushing.
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