Well there is another option that I haven’t seen espoused here. It’s called “Beat the Reaper”
Convicted murderers, rapists, and others, possibly including Sophists, would be given the option of being administered various diseases and then used as test subjects for experimental cures as an alternative to conventional punishments. If they survived and contributed to the development of efficacious treatments, depending on the seriousness of their crime(s) they would be given other diseases, lessened sentences, or perhaps even released with strict tracking technologies in place. Any subject who could survive three major diseases would immediately be given their freedom and provided with enough money to live out their remaining diminished life (under continued surveillance). Of course all would be televised and streamed worldwide for the benefit of the concerned public.
What’s the big deal about that? So what if they beat the Reaper? I have personally done MANY Reaper challenges over the past three or four years. All of the Death Nut versions, all of the Paqui One Chip challenges (Except for the 2021 version, but it is on the way to me as I type.), the Solar Flare sunflower seeds challenge, and several others. Sure, they can be painful for a bit, but it’s no big deal to survive them. Why should hardened violent criminals get such an easy pass?
Yeah, when you don’t have a life you have to sit around and poke yourself occasionally just to make sure you are still alive; and a reaper challenge beath welding your own ass cheeks together to see what will happen.
Question, when you go to a apple orchard do you have an expectation of picking some nice fat oranges while you are there?
I’ll have you know I have someone whose specific function is to periodically poke me. The ass cheeks thing didn’t work out like I thought it might, though.
The YouTube Ass Cheek Challenge: Have friends superglue your ass cheeks together and just video the results until you pop or die.
I’ll bring the glue, you bring the ass cheeks. I have a big pot of black beans going too.
Holy CHRIST! That has to be the stupidest question in history. That’s just plain ridiculous. Who the hell expects ORANGES in an apple orchid? Could you possibly be more insulting? Geez… 
Tell ya what, though. I do get pretty damn pissed if I cannot find at least a couple of coconuts in an apple orchid.
Well, my wife actually had that duty for a long time. She even enjoyed it for awhile. Said it was cathartic for her (or something like that). Anyway, she finally called it quits when I asked her to start using the jackhammer. She claimed it was too heavy for her to operate, and then gave some lame excuse of how the neighbors might complain about the noise. So what the hell else did you expect me to do? Insanely spicy food challenges were my last resort.
Oh, my mistake. I thought perhaps you were confused, but now I realize that you were practicing your smarminess, which I can appreciate. After all, your vainglorious attitude requires some sort of pressure relief from time to time.
Brother, you ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie. My attitude about my glorious vein definitely causes a great deal of excessive pressure from time to time. And it does require periodic rel-… Hey! 
Wait just a damn minute! How the hell would you know about that? You been peeking in my bathroom window? Fucking perv! 
I had the good luck of having a used book store in my neighborhood. The book store paid me 50 cents or a quarter each for playboy magazines. I used to scour the neighborhood for the little jewels. No, newspaper pile or trash bin was left unturned. And this is the reason I never read them or understood what the fascination with the pictures was. They were just pictures. Honestly, I didn’t get it then and I don’t get it now.
So, I would collect the magazines before trash day and take them to the book store. This man was fucking disgusting. He was big and fat and sweaty and dirty. Worst of all, he was a nose breather. He would thumb his way through each magazine and as he did so he would start breathing heavily through his nose. After about 3 to 15 minutes, depending on how many magazines I had found, he would quote me a price. I never bartered with the guy. I took the money and ran. He was fucking creepy. I grew up with no fascination for porn, not magazines, dancers, strippers in Thailand, stage shows in Amsterdam, Burlesque in Germany, or pole dancers in my own neck of the woods. Nude female wrestling in the Philippines was somewhat interesting when the girls actually got upset with each other. I have seen it all at least once and have been attracted to none of it.
Whoa there Buckaroo…It was not my idea to install those newfangled tiny-ass camera doodads. Cog said it would be real funny to catch you in the act of…well let’s just leave it at that…
Well, the real reason for the doodads was to see if I could get the eggnog recipe. I just used the “Catch him in the act.” argument to get skriten to accompany me. He’s the perv, I just wanted the eggnog recipe.
Wow, I am just stunned at the way you assuage your perspicuous guilt. It was I who was attempting to duplicate the recipe whilst you were drooling over the video you retrieved. Now it is clear that I was used as a patsy for the nefarious activities you had in mind. Colossally unbelievable.
Hey, if it makes you feel any better, Skrit, I know Cog well enough to understand how he works. And Cog knows me well enough to know I don’t make the nog in my bathroom. And Cog knows I know him well enough to know he would try to use you to place hidden cameras in my bathroom. That’s why I placed video screens in front of the cameras. Enjoy your midget cowboy porn, complete with Shetland ponies, Twizzlers, and alphabet soup in kiddie pools.
Now you’ve gone and done it…he’ll be distracted with all of that and unable to focus on anything else for, who knows how long.
They always turn my penis red when I watch porn. I think I’m alergic. I think I’m going to switch to Cheetoes.
HUH! Focus on what? The Twizlers? (AAAAAAhhh! My peinis is all yellow! WTF?) I’ll chat later.
Yeah, go clean yourself up you nasty simian fuck…