I raised my children atheist, yet my son married Christian. I was against going to the wedding but did to support my son. He has now had a child and his wife wants a baptism which my son has agreed to. My other adult children and myself don’t want to go and we r refusing to be part of any more religious ceremonies. R we wrong to feeling guilted into these and then made to feel bad by refusing to participate? My son says he still is atheist but is compromising to make her happy.
I don’t get why you are not the bigger man and simply support your son. No one is asking you to become religious. Why in the hell would you refuse to go to your own son’s wedding? You sound like some religious freak practicing shunning. Are you really on that level?
Hint: You do not burst into flames if you step foot into a church. Holy water will not cause you to melt. Association with believers is not against any magical Atheist dogma. The guilt you are feeling has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with the way you are treating your own son.
I support my son and always will. But why do I have to do this by converting, and yes that is what she is asking us. She knows we do not believe that crap but pushes any aspects of religion into all interactions. I was raised by religious nuts so why should myself and other adult child need to be forced into these religious ceremonies? My other children also r fed up by this and want to cut contact with their brother because of how his new wife has to make religion a part of all aspects or interactions with them.
Also we did go to the wedding and no we did not contribute. I know we don’t burst into flames, so No that’s not why I feel guilty because I don’t. I also don’t think we as a family need to attend religious ceremonies and go to church to somehow be a part of my son’s life.
How is going to a wedding converting? How is going to a baptism converting. What in the hell are you afraid of. And when she asks you to convert, what in the hell is wrong with saying “no.”
You are comparing the “religious nuts” to your son. Each situation is different and a mature person responds to every situation appropriately. You are pushing your past onto your son.
You are not being forced into anything. Obviously you can refuse to go. You have made that clear. You either choose to go or you choose not to go.
You want to cut cut contact. Act like a bunch of Christians. Anyone who does not agree with your perception of things should be shunned. Just disown him. That, after all, is the Atheist way.
I suspect there is a whole lot of your religious upbringing that you have not yet dealt with.
Actually it’s u religious nuts who disown and abandon family when anyone might think differently. My past has taught me to not be bullied and let threats of fear force me into a box that sheep follow. So no I’ll NEVER disown any child of mine because they believe different than myself. That’s called evolution where u can grow as a person, and not be stuck in childish beliefs. I also don’t need some religious nut to tell me the same bullshit I’ve already heard before many times growing up.
U do Not need a wedding to prove your in a relationship.
U do Not need to baptize a innocent child of sin they have not made. That’s a choice for them when they r older.
U do Not need to be husband and wife to have and raise a family.
Abortion is any mothers choice.
Family does not mean husband and wife.
Shall I go on?
So,No, i do not need any of your righteous parenting.
ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT TRUE…
I’ll reiterate: “I suspect there is a whole lot of your religious upbringing that you have not yet dealt with.” You be as ridged as you like. It’s your life.
How is not supporting or agreeing that a wedding needs to take place, but going for my son mean one of these is not true? U can not agree with something and still go to be there doesn’t make one of these untrue. Why would I give $ to something I don’t agree.
Going to a christening, wedding, or funeral doesn’t worry me. Participating in the wrong ceremonies might give an Xtian nightmares of hell, but it’s water off a duck’s back for an atheist. None of it means anything.You go to these things to support the families, not the deity.
I’d be more worried about the upbringing of your grand-kid. If you cut ties with your son’s family over silly ceremonies, you’ll lose any chance to save that poor kid from indoctrination.
Let me understand.
YOU were raised extreme religious. YOU made the decision to not be. YOU view any “religious cultural activity” or your son’s compromise as “converting”???
You haven’t accepted your son’s wife. So she’s religious. Your son married her, most likely because she is MORE than that. She also has other qualities.
I don’t feel it’s necessary to “legally marry”. So? I have three boys that will most likely “marry” and one who is dating a Muslim - he listens to her and supports her and she listens and respects his disbelief. It’s their relationship - I keep my nose out of it. I look forward to attending each wedding. Wanna baptize the kids? Wanna raise them on the Koran? OK. Not my kids to raise. I had my turn. It’s their turn.
So as a grandparent…or if no grandkids, as a father; respect their choices. If you feel soooo strongly about “church” or various “religious traditions” or books, don’t go. If they want to know why - tell them the truth. You hate religion.
It is honest. It lets them know it’s because of your choices, not theirs. But you better come up with healthy ways to engage with your son/family otherwise you will lose them over this.
Christmas, Halloween, Easter - all cultural religious based holidays in Canada (BUT most celebrate it secularly). We also get Ukrainian Xmas (lol). What I’m saying is - religion is everywhere. It’s influence is everywhere. Put your own “meaning” into activities. For me, Christmas is pure out celebrating the rebirth of the sun and playtime with imaginative stories, gifts and over-eating. Pretty lights, and trees - music and smells.
BTW - Welcome
The day atheists become as dogmatic as the theists is the day I join the Tin Man cult and get the flock out of here. Where is that bastard anyway? Damn fair weather friends.
I wish I fucking knew… rusted out somewhere???
We do celebrate the holidays with Santa not god, Halloween, Easter with the bunny not god. We do all of those celebrations and big meals. But why do we as a family need to go to start going church for these holidays and religious ceremonies in order to celebrate with them? My son and his wife know how we feel as it’s been made very clear. He can raise his kids how he likes but I still have very young kids and a baby at home that I don’t want exposed to. Im a widow of 7kids and I do Not want to go to church or have my young kids go to church and have to change our holidays and life to fix what his wife thinks a good xristan family looks like. I’ve already refuse to give thousands of $ when she asks that it go towards religious ceremonies. I would never turn my back on any of my kids. I’m sick of his wife asking my 1, 2 and 5 year olds if they want to go to church with them and be saved. Or that they need to be married not live in sin like myself as I never married but was with the love of my life for 30years.
As long as no one tries to tell you what to believe I’d be inclined to let it go myself, but only you can decide what is best for you and your family.
Then it sounds like he has enough to deal with, and needs his own family to support him, but again it’s your call.
You don’t. I wouldn’t. Meal at home, visiting - great… they want church ok but I wouldn’t let my ass go for a Xmas or Easter thingy.
I let the young boys go to “church” (Kingdom Hall) with their grandma when they visited her. They hated it. It was great
Hahahahaha “a good Christian family”. Fuck that. I’d reply “a good family”… my family functions the way I like. It’s good for me. Anyone else’s idea can suck eggs (pushed on me)
This is where my “argumentative” side would come out. If she brings it up - she fair game for questioning and challenge.
My kid was nervous that I’d do this to his girlfriend. Nope. I won’t start anything. I’ll respect what they choose to do. They can tell and share that with me without judgement or challenge. BUT YOU START fucking with
“me” and the way I do things…start with sliding in “moral judgements and shit” uhhhh - then we’d “talk” while I’m rolling out pie dough.
In many ways we are alike. I would not accept what you are being asked to accept. However:
If I had to guess; I’d guess you are sending your family mixed messages about where your religious boundaries are, despite your statement to the contrary.
For example: you vehemently protested against attending a church wedding, then went ahead and just attended it anyway.
In my amateur opinion: people tend to push murky boundaries. If it is that big a deal to you (it is to me, so I understand this part), you should have never gone. If it isn’t that big of a deal, you should have just smiled and attended, instead of adding all that pointless drama to your son’s wedding.
I guess what I’m suggesting is: perhaps you should be more picky, when picking your battles.
I don’t blame you, that would properly boil my piss. Is it an option to tell her or your son how you feel about specifics like that, or do you think it would cause a rift.
If she’s the one claiming they need to “be saved” - I’d take it up with her in front of all the kids.
“Saved from what?”
…away I’d go.
It’s one thing to save her kids- whatever - but to imply that somehow I, as a parent, am being neglectful in keeping them from “danger” - ooohhhh weeee …
So why are you here? For affirmation of your position? You might have a long wait.
You don’t have to justify anything to me or anyone else. However, you do need to be aware that your actions have consequences.
So go ahead bathe in the warm glow of self righteous indignation as you push your son away with your dogmatism.
I guess it all comes down to how much you want your son and grandchild in your life. The way you seem to be heading, you won’t have these issues much longer. You will simply not see your son and his family, ever.
Was a time in my now ended marriage I had to choose between my wife and my family. There was no contest. My wife ALWAYS came first, even though I thought she was very wrong at the time.
You came here and asked a question. I’ve assumed you wanted opinions and advice. I’ve given an honest answer. I have no interest in arguing the point with you. As Cognostic has said, it’s your life.
That’s all I have to say to you on this matter.