Atheist marry into religion

Debate Room
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Since I had a wasted space here, I decided to fill it. Greenseed has some excellent advice in the following post. Perhaps you are unaware of how you present yourself.

Here is an idea … The ABCs of Rational Thought.

A = An activating event. A Christian invites you to a baptism. And that makes you angry? NO! It is what you tell yourself about the invitation that is the cause of your anger. Your belief (B). The actions of others ‘NEVER’ have the power to make you angry. It is your own “BELIEFS” about those actions that are the cause of your anger.

B = What do you ‘believe’ about the invitation. The wife is being manipulative. She is trying to convert you. She is being sly, underhanded, disrespectful, treating you as if you are inferior, etc…

C = Hence your reason for Anger. In your mind she is being insulting.

What if you changed your belief? The poor woman is trapped. She is so stupid she could not think her way out of a paper sack. She has allowed herself to be manipulated by her religion. She really believes the bullshit she spews and does not even see how hateful it is. She is prejudiced and manipulative without even the intelligence to realize what she is doing. She is a pawn of her Church and of her religion. She is to be pitied.

C = Consequence - The result of your own thoughts and not of her actions. Her actions have no more effect on you than my actions from across the Pacific Ocean over here in Korea. There is no magic thread attaching your responses to her behavior or to my comments. You make your own choices. Your reactions are your own and they are and have always been the result of YOUR OWN THINKING and NOT someone else’s behavior.

ANGER: There is only one reason, one reason only, that you have ever been angry. One and only one reason throughout your entire life. ***** You did not get what you wanted. *****

You wanted a cookie when you were young and your mommy said, “no.” You threw a temper tantrum.

As a teen you were asked to do a chore and you wanted to play. You didn’t get to play so you cursed mom out under your breath.

Your boss wanted you to do something and you didn’t want to do it. “What a stupid idiot he was.”

The asshole in front of you does not know how to drive. He cut you off. 'You want him to drive better, stay in his own fucking lane and watch where the hell he is going, how dare he treat you this way.

There has never been a case in your entire life when anger is not about “NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT.”

Get honest with yourself… What do you want? How realistic is it? You want your son to not be married to that bitch. You want that woman to not be religious? You want them to abandon you, and just leave you the hell alone? You want them to change so you don’t have to? WHY ARE YOU REALLY ANGRY??? What do you want? Is what you want actually realistic? If so, why not ask, or simply demand, what you really want and then live with the consequences? What is your anger actually about? What do you want?

22

DragonTurd 666

The most tiresome aspect of religions is the exclusion, division and disprespect for other people who do not share their dogma.

I lost my brother and his family to the Christadelpians. I have not had contact with him for years. Swallowed up and gone.
I despise cults.
However I think you really need to establish some groundrules and limits with your son and his wife,
for no other reason but to maintain relations with them and your grandchildren. And also you need to review your stance in the matter.
I was denied contact with my brother because I dared to talk him out of entering the brethren nonsense and debated with the elders. I will probably never see him again. I realise now I was not given an option, either I joined my brother in their ranks or never see him again.
You appear to still have options. You dont appear to be dealing with a exclusive fundamentalist brethren. Your apparent anger with religion can be a serious problem.
If you were looking for advice I suggest the review of your stance.
You are an atheist. You reject the religious claim to the existence of god. Your anger makes you sound as intolerant and divisive as any fundamentalist religious freak.

Arrange an opportunity to speak to them both without interruption.
Set your ground rules firmly.
Establish your limits with calm words.
Request your son and DiL not to encourage your youngest to go to church services or sunday schools or other religious activities. Insist she not engage the young ones in talks about “God” or in suggestions of their “unworthiness”. Remind her that you are the head of your family and she should respect your wishes. Remind her you don’t try to talk her relatives, young or old, out of their shared christian beliefs or to embrace your atheism.
Tell her you are happy she is in your son’s life and you hope they have a great life together and be sure your son hears that. Then remind them again to respect your views and that if she really believes in her “God” she needs to accept in her terms that your relationship with her “God” is the creation of her “God” and is not the concern or business for her or her family or congregation or for anyone else, despite their convictions (an old Jewish idea). Do this firmly, quietly, and dispassionately.

Then review your own reactions to their religious activities. Be tolerant. Don’t go mimicking the worst aspect of theism. Don’t condemn or drive anyone away.
I still go to church services, weddings and funerals and baptisms. Some of my good friends are Christians (the idiots, lol) The notion that my attendance in their churches adds any meaning to the rituals or to the veracity of their faith is pure nonsense. Just as I expect theists not to convert me, I refrain from arguing during their ceremonies. Force them to be as tolerant as an atheist through your own actions and attitudes.
I am not a family counsellor, or psychiatrist, but I assume you are fishing for advice and because of my own experiences offer all the above as no more than an option. Good luck whatever you do.

1 Like
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I agree, after all how would she feel if someone started telling her kids they needed saving from pernicious theism, which is unevidenced superstitious guff.

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Ahhh :relieved: smilingbirdfood …

Well said and necessary. Had this with my mom when letting the youngsters stay a week with them twice a year. (Boundaries - Kingdom Hall meeting OK; Door-to-door proselytizing NOT OK)

Fuck!!! I just would hit her over the head with the rolling pin and get the backhoe going…

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atheist marrying religious , I donnt think this kind of marriages works.

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You would be wrong of course. Some do work. It only takes one marriage to work to shatter your claim. You still seem to cling to a black or white / all or nothing world view. Of course this kind of marriage can work, as long as the couple is willing to make it work.

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Just so.

My ex wife was/is devout Catholic. Even had learner catholic courses at our house. Her closest male friend was a priest, who visited regularly. He once told her (not me) that he was concerned about my ‘spiritual pride’. IE I often called him out on fatuous claims he made.

The end of my marriage had nothing to do with religious beliefs or the lack of them. My marriage ended because I was a crappy husband and she was a cunt.

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Both me and my ex were/are atheists (and together for most of that ride/journey)…

Didn’t stop us from not working out :thinking:

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Yup. Not all swans are black

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And some swans are both black and white…

Black Necked Swans native to South America.