I was raised in the bible belt and if I ever knew an atheist I didn’t know it and would have regarded them as much as I would have an “Alien” from space. However I tried to get that glassed over look of understanding that the preachers told me I would get when “the holy spirit” got ahold of me. It never happened. Then I started reading, read the entire bible all the way through in a bunk in Army Barracks. I got the same sense out of that thing as reading latrine walls, in fact you could understand the latrine walls better. Ive been an absolute atheist since about 19 years old. I’m close to 70 now.
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From a bathroom wall in Georgetown Colorado circa 1975: “A man without god is like a fish without a bicycle.”
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Oh, sure. You laugh about that now. But have you ever really seen a fish without a bicycle? It ain’t a pretty site. Poor little fishies. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. 
Most people would think this is to show the needlessness of a god-belief, but obviously this is to illustrate that “with god all things are possible”…including a bicycle-riding fish.
And you are correct that a fish sans a bicycle is disturbing. So, no laughter here. Only empathy for my finned brethren…
And those bike machines are not the same thing. My goldfish had babies and, of course, I wanted them all to be healthy. I went out and bought 23 stationary bike machines for the little guppies. Each one had its own machine. I put little bike riding headbands on their heads under their helmets, protected their fins with fin protectors, and gave them each monogrammed sweat towel with their name on it. (Ann, Cal, Joe, Jon, Sam, Bob, Ben, Tom, Don, Sue, Sal, Art, Dan, Jan, Lon, Mac, Min, Pat, Pam, Rob, Ron, Sue, and Francisco Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff Jr. ) I started up the little machines and told the kids I would be back in an hour.
One hour later when I got back, the little guys were just laying there all stiff and dehydrated on the floor. FUCK! I pushed them too hard. I should have known an hour was too long of a workout for the first time. I should have known they would get thirsty. They were fucking fish after all. They must have run their little fins off and died of dehydration. I felt horrible. What was I going to tell the mother fish?
After I explained it to her, I found her body parts all over the fish tank an hour later. She did a lip lock on the bubble thing in the tank and blew herself up. It was sad. I didn’t sleep for a week. Since the father fish was obviously in a state of depression and ready to kill himself as well, I just put him out of his misery and ate him. The next time I get a pet, I think I will get a hamster.
So remember, even if you do get a fish a bike, you have to monitor how much they ride and give them lots of water. They will work themselves into a state of dehydration and die if you are not careful with them.
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What a tragic story. I know you must have been wracked with remorse. However, something smells like…
If I might be so presumptuous as to make a suggestion…IF you decide to get a hamster, PLEASE PLEASE do not opt for the motorized hamster wheel. I made this mistake years ago and it was perhaps the worst decision of my life.
Ummmm… By any chance did you get that motorized “hamster wheel” at a laboratory clearance sale? What I’m saying is, are you sure it wasn’t a test tube centrifuge machine? Because I can see where a hamster MIGHT have a bit of trouble keeping up with a thousand r.p.m. of rotation.
Oh well I , uh er I mean why would you ask…about laboratory clearance sales?..I mean that would be rather unusual if I…uh, you know…did something or test tubes were involved that might be…or, wait what about that exact r.p.m. that you mentioned. I noticed the specificity and no I don’t think that was the spec. on the…I mean I doubt it could have been that exact number, realistically. I swear to God, no wait Oden or maybe Zoroaster…shit I digress .Anyway I swear or declare or pronounce…shit digressing again…I swear I thought they could run faster than what the primitive non-motorized wheels allowed. (Slaps self and slinks off…)
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Thanks for the warning. I’m sorry it wasn’t yesterday. After writing my last post, I thought, “Hamster, what a great pet.” and I went down to the local pet store and bought one. The guy at the counter convinced me to buy a motorized hamster wheel. Damn, I wish I would have read your post yesterday. Now, I have this mess to clean up.
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Clean up? What’s to clean? Hell, man, throw in a little orange juice, a banana, a handful of blueberries, and a few chunks of ice, and you can enjoy a delightful hamster smoothie. Just make sure you pulverize it really well. Don’t want to get an annoying little bone stuck in your throat while drinking it.
Of course, why didn’t I think of that! My Bad!
See? That’s why you keep me around.
Oh, brother. 
Well, now I’m forced to ask. Are you even sure it was a pet store, and was it even a hamster that you got? Wait… OH, SHIT! 
Please tell me you didn’t get little clear disc-shaped containers of what you thought was jello! DO NOT EAT THEM!
Nawww! I got some delicious little candy sprinkles that came in a little brown sugar packet-looking thing. They crunched like peanuts when I put them on the ice cream I had for dinner.
You know, you have the shittiest timing of anyone in the world…
I know. It’s a gift. Actually, the closest thing to a “super power” I’ve ever had.
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A Tin-Man is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.
That is correct. Thank you, Mr.Dawn. I always arrive at my destination at the exact time I get there.
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Well in fact therein lies the problem. The shittiness of timing is apparently deliberate, and dare I say, bordering on sociopathic behavior. Of course I would be reticent regarding any diagnosis I may or may not be in agreement with, given the uncertainty of the validity and/or relevance of any such pronouncement(s) by me or anyone else unidentified as a professional philatelist.
Ya know what? If I actually cared or had any type of empathy or other such emotions, I might have taken offense to that.
I hear that the philatel is a very difficult instrument to play. I’m always jealous of people with that kind of talent.