Who’s that? Never head of this one.
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Nah, as a single dude he was probably using it to watch porn.
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Welllllllll, I could definitely believe he used it to watch porn. He was a dude, right? Duh. 
But about the whole being “single” thing. Hmmmm… 
How can I say this?.. … Well, IF Jesus was real (ever existed), then there are rumblings that he actually had a wife and children. Problem, though, is that did not fit the “narrative” of those in power during the time the bible was being compiled. Therefore, any books/scriptures referring to that were “conveniently” omitted, and those texts were eventually “buried” in the Vatican vaults, never to be seen by the outside world. Yep, the Holy Bible. The Perfect Word of God… (chuckle… shaking my head)…
lol aren’t most cult leaders polygamous anyways? or he could have been sleeping with the 12 dudes following him around and Judas got sick of him being unfair 
Here’s something I mentioned before. Jesus’s dad Joseph was a carpenter. In those days that was a skilled trade, and commanded a decent salary. Yet he had to take his pregnant wife on a donkey, and when he got to Bethlehem all he could find was a fucking manger? This was Joseph’s ancestral town, how come none of his relatives didn’t want have anything to do with him?
So was daddy a fucking alcoholic or some dysfunctional case?
Mommy was a virgin … yea. But after jesus was born, Joseph and Mary had at least 4 more kids. Mommy wasn’t exactly the picture of a sane and virtuous woman.
No wonder that kid ditched his family while still very young.
And three wise men? Here’s this woman in a manger giving birth, they could have brought water, or blankets, or food. Oh no, they were fucking wise, they brought perfume.
In those days a child learned his father’s trade. Here is a very early depiction. Are those the hands of someone who worked with his hands every day?
Uh, WHY does everybody keep insisting Joseph was the dad of Jesus? Joseph would have been a STEPdad, at most, right? Yet, the “scholars” and “devout” Christians still trace the bloodline of Jesus back through Joseph. So, which is it, scholars and Christians? Mary was a virgin and GOD was the father of Jesus? Or was Joseph, the father? You fuckers can’t have it both ways.
Yea, and Mary was a virgin. cough cough.
After decades of research scholars have determined that the real father was … (drum roll) …
Ken
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Makes sense. If Ken could nail Barbie and keep up with HER expensive lifestyle, then Mary would have been a cinch to get in the sack. All he needed was a couple of loaves of bread, a couple of fish, and a cup of wine. Mary would have been a “sure thing”.
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That is fucking scary.