It’s too bad he lost the plastic coating that once covered the keyboard. I’m sure that explains a lot.
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SORRY, but to get back on reason I started this thread, yesterday(Monday) was a really bad day. I don’t understand how or why, but some days I’m stuck in a bad frame of mind, and everything about life just makes me want it to end.
I can’t get the thought that anything isn’t going to improve out of my mind, and it makes my depression even worse than it already is. The thoughts about suicide are always in the back of my mind, but days like this just bring them to the forefront.
Today is a lot better, I’ve been playing with Abby off and on all morning, and listening to music in the office. I need to put my walking shoes on and go for the first of my 3 short walks in about 20 minutes.
Even though it’s the middle of October, it hasn’t started raining here yet, but when it does, it will definitely have an affect on my mood and my walking routine. I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to deal with Winter here in the Pacific Northwest this year.
Having my kitty Abby with me should make it a little more bearable, only time will tell I guess.
DAMN, what a difference a day makes. Yesterday was one of my bad days, I hated everything about my life and had thoughts to simply end it. I didn’t follow through on any of my thoughts, which were not good. A simple change in my routine today has helped considerably.
I went out for my first short walk and to get today’s mail about 1/2 an hour ago, and something good showed up instead of the usual bills and junk-mail.
Our medical insurance provider wants me to take part in a year long study on people who suffer from chronic pain. They’re asking for volunteers to become part of a study to find ways to make dealing with pain a little easier. I’d end up in one of three study groups who would try to manage their pain in 3 different ways, all from home on-line or over the phone.
I’d have to take 5 surveys during the course of a year, and I’d be compensated for my time when the survey is complete.
I’m definitely interested, and will more than likely volunteer to be part of it.
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This says it all. Change your mind and you change the world. You are not your mind. The mind works for you, not the other way around. It’s no different than your eyes. You focus on the things you want to see. There is a problem though, and I have said this before.
Let’s say I tell you, "Don’t think about a big pink elephant in your living room. Don’t think about it stomping holes in the floor or cracks in the concrete. Don’t think about it rolling over on the coffee table or destroying the furniture. Don’t think about the smell or the pile of elephant shit that it is now rolling around in. Don’t think about it.
Now, what have you been thinking about for the past 30 seconds? Thinking about wanting to not be depressed is the exact same thing as thinking about being depressed. The way out is to move your mind to something completely new. That does not mean ignoring important issues.
I’ve said this before. If something is important, you sit down at the kitchen table with a pad of paper and a pencil and you get it all down on paper, Then you set it aside. You schedule a time to look at it again. When you have intrusive thoughts you then simply tell yourself, ‘this is not the time. I have time for that and will deal with it then.’
Write them down. This is so simple. Write out the pros and the cons. List all the reasons for and against. More importantly, you need to check with an outside source prior to any action. You have already admitted that you are depressed. Therefore you are not the best judge. You have still not clearly identified any steps that could lead up to a decision to end your own life, you just let everything float on the wind and it is all up to how you feel in the moment. Not a good way to make a life decision. Even I shopped around for a month before I purchased my new car.
You are fooling yourself into thinking you have no control and yet you have done absolutely nothing to gain control. At least start a journal and give yourself 30 minutes a day of writing. This is the time to have those thoughts. All you want, and take them seriously.
Here comes our second big problem. Once you have sequestered thoughts of depression and suicide,with what do you imagine you will fill your day? You will be like a smoker who stops smoking.
Smokers take little five-minute breaks here and five-minute breaks there, all throughout their day. Whenever there is a moment of free time, the thought comes to them, "I’ll have a cigarette.’ And they go out, puff on their cigarette, and reflect on the shit they have to do next, the problems of the world, gossip, or whatever. Now, eliminate that from their lives, cold turkey, and you not only have withdrawal to deal with but you have hours of time during a day that need to be filled with something.
It’s not enough to think, “I don’t want to smoke.” (Look at the elephant story.) It’s not enough to think (I hate being depressed.) In both cases, you are still focused on the activity that you are trying to avoid. What can you do instead? What is your plan?
You are not your mind. A mind is a tool and it works for you. How about putting some of those tombstones online and seeing if you can sell them? Start a webpage where people can special order them. Not sure what you made them out of but consider some not-so-expensive wood. With what are you going to fill your day if you are not filling it with thoughts of depression?
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Seriously, as crazy as it seems. I chainsaw carved a pumpkin the other day, took me an hour of screwing around to figure out how to make one. Free wood from a tree that fell on my property. I just said fuck it, what can I do with this? I got offered $75 for it, yesterday! I don’t even think it looks that good lol, I’m a perfectionist and my worst critic.
Hell @mr.macabre13 my wife and I were literally just shopping for Halloween decorations, (more for home decor because our house in Halloween inside 24/7) she picked up one of these styrofoam tombstone pieces of garbage at Lowes. I looked at that and said fuck that, put that back, we can just get a 4’x4’ sheet of plywood and cut out my own and they will last for years. So that’s what we are doing. So thanks for the inspiration! I’ll post some pics later.
Cog is definitely right though, your mind is not in charge. It is totally possible to change where you are at by finding constructive things to do in those bad moments!
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Whenever I’m depressed, naked monkeys on rollerskates disrupting a church serveice will usually pull me out of it. I just go on YouTube and listen to Bill Burr, Jimmy Carr, Jim Jefferies, George Carlin, or one of my favorite comedians trash religion for about an hour and suddenly I feel better.
Actually, I can watch an hour of third world poverty flicks and feel just as good. I really appreciate how lucky I am. Just by the simple fact I was born in the country I was born in., Depression just has no place in my life. I had rameon for dinner tonight, it was my choice. I tossed the chicken and rice that smelled bad down to toilet before flushing it. I also had a nice big bowl of frozen blueberries. That’s exactly what I wanted and I’m happy. Now the air conditioner is on, the room is cool, and I’m going to bed. Good night all. See you another day.
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That actually works. I didn’t realize it until you said anything. Back in 2007, I remember that a guy had answered my girlfriend’s phone and told me not to call her. I found out that she had been cheating on me with a younger guy at her church and broke up with me a few days after I called her out on it. I was dealing with that, so I went into another room and was so upset that I wrote a suicide note. After I wrote it, I fell asleep from being so upset. When I woke up and read the note. I read how stupid and cringe that I sounded. I had changed my mind. It was just a really really depressed moment of weakness that I had experienced. I was still upset about the cheating and break up, but not so much that it warranted me killing myself. It took me a month to get over her. But I prevailed.
I tried to sign up for that pain survey that our insurance provider sent me info. about last night, and holy fuck, I’m not eligible because I’m already seeing a mental health counselor. Can’t win for losing.
Later this afternoon I’m driving up to our son’s home so I can take our oldest granddaughter out for ice cream and just to talk. Sadie says she likes hanging out with me because she can tell me anything that’s going on in her life that her parents might not understand. Nothing depressing or earth shattering, just teenage stuff. She’s 14 going on 20, taking advanced reading and math in school, and she’s an amazing artist. I keep telling her jokingly that she could be an incredible tattoo artist if she chose to.
I’m also taking a few of my Halloween “things” with me to start setting up this years haunt in their front yard.
My son also invited me to watch the movie NOPE with him on their big screen TV, he thinks I’d probably like it.
Becky isn’t going to be home from church until 8:30 tonight, so I’m not just going to sit in the house and wait for her like most Wednesday nights.
One day, and one moment at a time.
I’ve acquired a few of the styrofoam tombstones when I first starting “haunting” our home, and those things are a joke. 20 Years ago they were better quality than today’s, and could last for a few years if you were careful with them.
I’ve built several over the past 20+ years, and they’re indestructible. I was going to build a new one this year and make it the largest one in my collection, but the price of material is fucking insane. After coming up with the basic dimensions, I went to LOWES to check the costs to do it, and it was over $100.00 bucks just for the basic pieces, not including paint and a new bottle of wood glue. Well fuck that.
You have a 14 year old granddaughter who likes you and feels comfortable telling you stuff?
Take a step back and understand how fortunate you are.
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Yea, I found 5/16 ply on sale for $15. Otherwise I would have just snagged some scrap plywood from work. Fortunately my work throws out tons of free wood, pallets, all kinds of packing materials, I even score giant wooden spools from a local cable manufacturer. All kinds of free stuff if you know where to look. Most places are more than happy to give you what they perceive as trash.
Construction sites. I got most of my large pieces of lumber from a house builder. I walked up to the site foremen, and flat-out asked him if I could have this and that (obvious scrap lumber). The worst thing that could happen was he said no
Same thing I said on your suicide thread.
Talk. To someone that’s been there (I, myself am still working through it.)
You do know that you can walk into any hospital and declare yourself a mental health emergency? Tell them what you told us here.
How you are treated may vary from state to state, but you’ll be in the system then, and taken seriously.
And I think that’s what you need - to be taken seriously.
Do atheists have frothy piss? When I was a theist, my piss was very clear and produced very little froth. Now I am atheist and I piss SO MUCH frothy! Why I piss frothy now because I don’t believe in God? Do you have frothy piss after giving up Jesus?
RATTY! Take your meds.,
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About six months ago an old resentment entered my brain. It was from many decades ago and so far in the past I was the only player still alive. But for many weeks I allowed this toxic poison to rattle around in my brain, full of anger, hatred and resentment. I was unhappy and losing sleep because of this.
But one day I had a sit-down talk with myself.
“What the fuck are you doing, allowing this crap to get to you? Don’t you realize it does not deliver anything positive and only introduces a lot of negativity into your life?”
From that little internal dialogue I recognized I had a problem, and from that point I was able to accept I had a problem, and then set out to resolve this issue.
The details are not important, the point is that I finally recognized I had a problem and got past the denial. Then I was able to plan out a solution.
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Thank GOD I have you guys to remind me!
Can I just enumerate here? I’m a little worried. I’ve begun have frothy piss lots. Now, this new. And there is correlation between frothy piss and mental health? Also. When as a boy I used to have floating poops. Why does poops float as young man but sink as old man? There is correlated between sinking poop and bad health? I try to make new topic but I just need one answer from specified person with experience? Yah? Helps me pleases?
Ratty… you are as poor a stand up comedian as you are an Atheist. Don’t you understand you have to warm up the audience first. You are completely unaware of your surroundings. Take your meds.
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There is a correlation between frothy micturition product and consuming lots of protein. Or being dehydrated. Or taking pain meds. Or having a rapidly transiting urine stream.
See your primary care provider.
Edited for feeling cordial and prodding