That the $64,000 dollar question, why am I so depressed? Why am I so unhappy? Are these 2 things even the same? I can’t remember the last time I was happy for more than a few minutes, let alone hours or a single day.
I have a roof over my head, food in the house, a new kitty cat, and a wife that loves me despite being a grouchy old fossil. We’re having a really hard time just getting by month to month financially. We’ve never had a lot of money, and with me being on permanent disability, it’s been getting harder every year. But with the price of everything going up, we’re starting to fall farther behind every month. Becky works her butt off supporting us, but her industry has slowed down, which means no over-time or monthly bonuses any more.
As my wife has told me on more than one occasion, all of my needs are met, and there are a lot of people in the world that are in a much worse situation than we are.
I know she’s right, but all I can see is what’s in front of me, and I don’t see us being any better off in the future, nothings ever going to be cheaper.
You’d think that with the Halloween season approaching I’d be in a better state of mind, but I’m not. I can no longer “haunt” our place for Samhain, mainly because the area that we live in has zero kids, which means no trick’o treaters. The last time we tried to hand out candy, we got 3 kids. Last year I did a small “haunt” at our son’s house for the first time, and it was a hit. Their friends and neighbors have been asking if it’s going to be happening again this year.
They live 50 miles north of us, right on the US/Canada border, which makes it difficult to get all of my “stuff” up there, set it up, tear it down, and put it back in storage, which our son happens to pay for, thankfully.
They asked me to do it again this year, and I said I would. Our granddaughters are old enough to remember the “haunt” that I put on every year when we had our home, so they get a kick out of it.
It’s not the same as doing your own place, but it’s what I’ve got.
Sorry, I’m rambling, I’ve gotten better at it as I’ve gotten older.
I’m asking why I’m so unhappy, and I know what the biggest contributor is, and of course it’s PAIN. It seems to be harder to deal with mentally each year that goes by. I still can’t believe it’s been over 7 years since I had to retire. DAMN, that went fast.
I’m not sure what the future holds for me, or how much longer I’ll be around. This is a terrible thing to say, but I’m not even sure if my wife and kids would even miss me if something happened to me. My wife would have some money in the bank and no more grouchy, angry, atheist to deal with. They’d never make another trip to the cemetery after they plant me, my wife has said as much more than once, and I believe her.
I’m trying to wrap my head around the situation, but it might not have a happy ending.
P.S. Thank you for allowing me to vent occasionally on this forum, I don’t have anyone else to talk to except for my cat Abby.