Uh, I think they are having some real nice poetry readings in Huntsville on Sundays. There are probably many many more in your state, considering the affinity and appreciation that people in your region have for poetic expressionism in general. I think you should consider public recitations of some of your refreshingly insightful paeans…
Edit to plagiarize myself
Well, I, for one, would like to humbly thank you for sharing your opinion. For sacrificing yourself to a bunch of heathen, amoral, uncaring, bigoted, anti-religious, hell-bound, (Did I say amoral?) (I mentioned amoral, didn’t I?) atheists. Welcome to the site! We are always looking for some new ideas. Do you have any?
I have a phobia of dyeing, to this day I can only wear one colour at a time.
(Aw, shit…)
@EVERYBODY
ATTENTION IN THE FORUM! NOW HEAR THIS! WE HAVE A CODE “ROTTEN BANANA” ALERT! ALL HANDS ON DECK! ALL HANDS ON DECK! I REPEAT, WE HAVE A CODE “ROTTEN BANANA” ALERT! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! STAND BY FOR INSTRUCTIONS!..
Cog is broken! Secure perimeter IMMEDIATELY! All net crews and tranquilizer rifle teams report to your designated positions! Alert citizens in surrounding areas to remain inside and prepare for possible evacuation! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I repeat, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!.. Stay alert and take no unnecessary chances, people! Rely on your training! Stay safe, and may God protect us all!..
Where the hell do people like you come from, honestly? I feel sorry for you for believing in all of the christian bullshit that’s been shoved down your throat.
Now you’re trying to repay the favor to the last group of people who want to listen to your vapid imaginings.
My funeral isn’t going to be a celebration of anything other than my family never having to deal with/see me ever again. I’m looking forward to my own death, it means no more chronic pain.
Fuck you and your god. (too harsh?)
I’m not certain, but I think that, perhaps Cog has contracted hypersensitive sarca-synaptical peripheral deviation syndrome. Characterized by a departure from usual behavioral predictability parameters and indications of multiple personality disorder(s).
Sometimes accompanied by exaggerated displays of anomalous expressions of congenial attitudes and empathetic responses.
Generally it is accepted that this condition is precipitated by repeated exposure(s) to alarmingly high levels of proselytizing and dogmatic indoctrination techniques.
Occasionally proximity symbiosis factor may produce similar symptoms and should not be dismissed without thorough proctological examinations, to be followed by a complete colonic irrigation procedure.
The only known treatment with demonstrable efficacy is a concentrated exposure to videos of Paula White, to be followed thereafter with alternating sessions of EIT and old Johnny Weissmuller movies. I would be happy to offer my services in the administration of a complete psycho-sexual socially reforming rehabilitative
high-impact electro-testicular treatment.
With hope and fervent ritualistic consumption of Mel Brooks and Ricky Gervais, we may be able to save him.
Edit: (exposure to Paula White without completing treatment protocols(s) may result in irreversible inability speak any latin-based language)
That actually sounds like a good idea for my funeral.
Strippers with dollar bills stuffed in g-strings?
I can think of worse celebrations.
I concur with your evaluation and suggested methods of treatment. Although, if I may suggest, in addition to the Paula White Exposure Therapy, perhaps add a healthy dose of Joel Olsteen Sermon Saturation to the mix. Cog’s tolerance levels are way above average, so we shouldn’t take any chances. However, all of this means absolutely nothing unless we can keep him contained… (speaking into walkie-talkie)… Net crew and rifle teams, report!..
Why have I never liked Mel Brooks? Not funny at all. I had to drag myself through Blazing Saddles, Space Balls, and the rest… I really resent you adding Mel Brooks to my list of anomalies. Your diagnosis is just ‘Waaaaaaaay Off!’
Ricky is fine!
Aha! ‘Austrian Accent’ And there is where the trauma started. Unable to join in with his peers as they laughed and laughed at the “more beans” scene and Hitler’s dodgy dancing, the morose and stiff lipped Cog resorted to vandalism, he started to Capitalise at Random. Then, in his mid teens he was sold tickets by someone looking suspiciously like Gene Wilder to the Annual Hyper Bole which the youthful Cog confused with a game of football, leading to even more trauma and a fascination with Pugs.
He never recovered; masking his deep disappointment at his lack of humour with radical libertarianism. and, a deep distrust of blue serge cloth and badges. He has never been able to laugh at the Keystone Cops, a sure pointer to his adult Rolling Pin fetish.
Wait a minute… Keystone Cops are worth watching… Mel Brooks is forced humor… He tries so fucking hard to be funny that he fails. It was like watching Jay Leno and his canned bullshit on the Tonigh Show. It’s like he tells you, ‘This is funny. Laugh here!’ I’ll take the annual Hyper Bowl any day over Mel Brooks… LOL
Edit: for different strokes.
Wow…just, Wow! You actually compared Mel Brooks to Leno…unbelievable…
I’m sorry that I have not previously acknowledged the repression of a normal sense of humor that you experienced as a child. Clearly you have made an unconscious association between satirical demonstrations by a specific demographic, and the repressive and punishing relationships of your youth.
What you have openly expressed (and thanks for that) is clearly a reflection of your strongly held “Aryan” views and beliefs.
Frankly, this explains a lot. The toned-down pseudo-libertarian masking, the exaltations towards authoritarian figures, the rejection of clearly functional humane approaches to behavioral treatment protocols, and of course the anal retentive issue.
It with all sincerity that I apologize for not recognizing the severe and ongoing psychosocial damage you have endured.
Edit: Pardon me while I whip this out
COUGH! Blazing Saddles" COUGH!
Funerals are for the living, not the dead.
My friend in Baltimore is fighting cancer and was expected to be dead by now. His wife threw an affirmation of life party while he was still alive so that he could connect with his family and friends before he got too sick.
I remember the book, Christy, I read about the same time the show was on TV. In the Appalachian community, funerals were a BIG social event. They were/ are a chance to connect with family and friends not seen in years = big family reunion.
And often a few deaths…I havent attended a funeral in 45 years and do not intend to start now, even for my own.
I do not do marriages, christenings, engagement parties or any other formal family gatherings excepting the odd private meal. Everyone has gotten used to it, they don’t bother to invite anymore and all know the reasons why.
Ooooo… This looks like FUN! 
Are we all gonna psycho-anal-ice each other now? Hold on a sec while I go get my rubber gloves!.. (running down hall toward bathroom)…
Tin is easy - Depersonalization-derealization disorder
How else is he going to chug those insane peppers and not feel a thing?
There are times when I wish that I could do that.
Funerals are not for the dead. They are for the living and, imho, help with grief. You will be dead, you won’t care about your funeral, or if you are wearing a suit, because you will be dead. I would just let your family have whatever they want. Albeit, ask them to keep the magic stuff from the sacrifice to a minimum. You don’t want to be resurrected. You will be worshipped by an ever growing group of people who think you are a god.
Aw, c’mon… Really?.. Okay, look, let’s be honest here. You have to admit that could have its perks. 