The question that always bugs me, Imagine you are in heaven but all your friends or family members are burning in hell. Jesus specifically mandates - “53 The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.” Now that is pretty fucked up.
Given that your son or your daughter, mother, father, or someone you love is burning for eternity in the pits of hell because they didn’t bow down to the asshole whose feet you are licking, how are you not going to give a shit? How are you going to be happy and if you are happy, what in the fuck does that say about your humanity?
OK I’ve probably told this one before but what the hell:
So a bus of nuns is involved in a crash and they all die and go to heaven. They are met at the Pearly gates by St Peter, who says “Firstly sisters let me assure you that because of the lives you’ve led you will all get into heaven, but on one condition. I have to ask you one question and you must answer honestly.”
First to be asked was the Mother Superior, and St Peter says “I know it’s embarrassing but as long as you answer honestly everything will be fine, now can you tell me did you ever touch a man’s penis?”
The MS looks a little embarrassed and says “Well I was a nurse and once the tip of my little finger accidentally brush against a patient’s penis.”
“Thank you for being honest.” Says St Peter. “please just wash the tip of the offending finger in the holy water and proceed through the gates.”
Then St Peter asks Sister Susan “did you ever touch a man’s penis?”
Sister Susan looks embarrassed, but answers “Yes, I did once handle a man’s penis.”
“Thank you for being honest” says St Peter. “please wash your hands in the holy water, and then proceed through the gates.”
Just then St Peter sees Sister Angelique out of the corner of his eye, pushing in front of Sister Mary in the queue. He walks toward them and says “Sister Angelique, you can relax as you will all be getting in to heaven as long as you answer honestly.”
“Oh I know that” says Sister Angelique, “but if I’m going to gargle that water I’d like to do it before Sister Mary puts her arse in there.”
