I’m bored. It’s Saturday. I have been grading papers for 4 hours, and now I need a break. I was thinking about the poor theists who visit the site and have no idea what atheism is about. I thought I would help them out and create a list of atheist beliefs.
10 Core Atheist Beliefs Based on the Atheist World View.
- Gods, Spirits, Souls, or anything metaphysical does not exist.
- All religions are evil and only do harm in the world.
- People who believe in religions are ignorant. (Stupid)
- Everything can be explained by scientism, naturalism, and biology.
- Something can come from nothing. The universe magically (randomly) popped into existence from nothing.
- Prayer is a waste of time and completely useless.
- A tornado in a junkyard in Kansas could construct a 747 if it had enough time.
- Trees are trees and nothing more.
- There is nothing in the universe that has design. It’s all just random chemical interactions.
- Dead people don’t get up and walk around cities or ascend into heaven.
All new atheists are to swear to these truths and kiss the emerald toe ring on Cog’s left pinky toe. It’s the only way to become a true atheist. It’s really not debatable, but I thought I would post it anyway.
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If ten weren’t such a damned convincingly tidy number, I’d shoehorn “Atheism implies immorality” in there, too
Having all the sex with hookers that Moral Jesus doesn’t want you to is certainly among the reasons one might go the immoral Atheist route, for example.
I’ve also thought that what a tornado creates when it hits a Midwest town looks like a Jackson Pollock painting, but with house parts instead of paint. Pollock paintings are very sophisticated; a 747 creation would
therefore be a short putt away, I believe.
While appreicating the satire, I wouldn’t give duplicitous mythology fanboys any ammunition to engage in more mendacious apologetics …
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I would not kiss any part of Cog’s anatomy at all. It is not an emerald on his toe but a rather disgusting polished hemorrhoid that he had mounted and faceted after a nasty row with Whitefire.
I have an original Brewster Buffalo that appeared in my upper paddock constructed entirely by god’s will or landed by a rather drunk pilot…I think goddidit…but then I am drinking with the pilot who did not land the machine…
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@Cognostic
Nice list, Cog, but you left out the two most important core values of Atheism.
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We all HATE god and are angry with him due to some traumatic event in our lives.
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We all worship Satan and sacrifice babies to him.
How could you have possibly forgotten those? Every Atheist knows them. I’m beginning to suspect you are not a True Atheist. 
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And……Atheism IS a religion!
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Musssttttt notttt bightttt… 
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Shhhh… There is the public face of Atheism and the secret rituals. Notice I did not talk about deep-fried Christian babies on a stick, dipped in chocolate and rolled in almond chips either. Some items are for the initiates.
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Oh, no worries…their duplicitous mendacity is already armed with all of those “duds” of “ammunition”…as you have so poignantly illustrated with your exhaustive and thorough dissection of canards, posted herein as a much-needed prerequisite to entertaining debates, especially when with those here already fatigued by the repetitious blatherings…
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Edit to listen to Peggy Lee
You jerks had better save me some this time around…
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Edit (the dark chocolate ones are the best)
Eye knewwwittttttt, aha.
I mean… nothing to see here, time to move on…
Hmm… chocolate…
Amen to that, the higher the coco content the better the chocolate…
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Chocolate 
Kissing cog’s emerald toe.
What a way to draw me back 
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Hello Mz White, Long time no see…
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Well, sanity will prevail, the Canadians are here!!!
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Oh… THERE you are! Great having you back, White. However, with the welcoming out of the way, I find it necessary to remind you that Cog has missed his last two (or three? ) rolling pin adjustments. To put it mildly, it caused problems. Sooooo… Make the damn adjustments already! (Please.) Sure, @CyberLN tried to volunteer once, but I had to intervene. Just seemed wrong on way too many levels.
(Edit for maintenance purposes.)
Well - with your intervention… I’m sure @CyberLN was more than grateful 
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I didn’t miss them. Tin man convinced me that the adjustment was as easy as removing a penis from his forehead and reattaching it to his groin. ‘A simple mechanical adjustment.’ is what he called it. I’ve had three adjustments and I have been tasting wood for a month. One night while I was sleeping, a woodpecker tried to fly down my throat. I suspect it was Skriten but he denies it. And finally, I have had the irresistible urge to dangle my feet in pools of water while I shit pine cones. So, you wanna buy some pine cones?
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Thanks for the mildly humorous recitation of poorly conceived and unauthentic stereotypes of how to think about atheism. I’d like to comment on item six, the bit about prayer being a waste of time. Ann Landers once perfectly described the source of the “power of prayer.” She said, “Most things that people worry about don’t ever happen.” In other words, every time a theist prays for deliverance from some situation they fear, and it then doesn’t turn out bad like they feared, they are convinced again, through positive reinforcement, of the power of prayer.
I’ll paraphrase the Hitch again: You can’t dent a faith that watches a baby fall out of a second story window and roll unharmed onto a grass verge, then shouts “it’s a miracle”! Then when a child trips and fatally injures itself on the corner of coffee table, shrugs and says “god is mysterious”.
If you only count the wins then the bias should be obvious, but after centuries of proclaiming the bias of faith a virtue, it’s hard to get theists to understand why it is not. What you have to remember is that despite platitudes about truth, they’re not seeking the truth, they genuinely believe they have found it, and that it is immutable, so the search for them is over, so questioning it is pointless.
The only time I am amazed is when accomplished scientists can be sceptical and questioning in their professional lives, then set it aside and be unquestioning in their subjective unevidenced religious beliefs.
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