One for all the Grammar Police

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening

Two quotation marks walk into a ‘bar’.

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Get out! we don’t serve your type’.

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar – fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, the present, and the future walked/walk/will walk into a bar. It was/is/will be tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

Some of you will laugh…


A spoonerism walked into a bar wearing one slipper. “Whoops. I slopped my dripper,” he yelled.

“Fut the shuck up,” said the barman.

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A Freudian Slip walked into the bar and everyone lined up to buy her a dink.


A colloquial says “brah, I need a drink :tumbler_glass:

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I want to walk into a bra… I’m missing them lately. You know the whole covid 19 thing has cramped my style and my old pickup lines just don’t work. I used to sit at the bar, let the other guys hit on the girls, and then I would just smile at one I liked and part my hair with my tongue. (Us apes can do that.) It was very successful. But now I have this mask on and it just does not work!

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There was a British comedy starring Thora Hird I think,as a modern day madame Malaprop.Can’t think of the name of the show.

EG " You haven’t had the pleasure of me yet,have you?" and" Honestly, I was prostitute with fear"

My favourite is true. My brother has a brilliant,rich and under educated friend. Bro recounted that he was present for the following exchange:

Mother: “You’re just a philanthropist” Untrue. This bloke’s favourite past time is counting his money.His mum probably meant philanderer,which is true.

Friend to mother; “Now mum,you know that’s not true. I’ve never collected stamps.”


True spoonerisms:

ABC (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) maybe 60 years ago:

An announcer for a musical show had a challenge.He was to present “The Flight Of The Bumblebee” by Rimsky Korsakov. He was worried that he might stumble over the name. All week, he practised saying ‘Rimsky Korsakov’ , with ostentatious vocal imbellishments.

Came the big night;—“and now Ladies and gentemen, we present that popular tune by Rimmmmssssky KorssssakoV ----------the bum of the flumblebee”

Same bloke introduced “The Band Of The Light Horse Artillery Artillery” as “The band of the light arse ortillery”

I think he became a TV news presenter.