I have a very religious family, but I’m an exception. I feel like I’m out of my element because of this. They deny and condemn any hobbies that are contrary to their norms. I’m not saying that I’m a drug addict or an alcoholic, but sometimes I allow myself to drink some whiskey and smoke. Moreover, I play online casinos, read information on EDITED BY MOD - NO PROMOS ALLOWED and sometimes spend money on this hobby. I won’t say that I’m heavily addicted, but like any person, I have my weaknesses. Because of that, a conflict began with my family and now I’m forced to live with friends.
Tell me what should I do - try to make peace with my family or continue my life as before?
Have your family indicated whether it is because of your level of involvement with online gambling? Or because they consider it sinful? Even maybe indicate the percentage you think they are showing you…
I gamble online, I play poker but never for real money. I used to croupier ( pit boss) in casinos , gambling is not fun and I just do not do it except for the odd lottery ticket. It is truly a mugs game.
Count the negative impacts on your personal life that are a result of your “activities”. Then count the positive aspects of your life. Weigh them against each other and the consequences. Choose. You can have just one option.
I do not gamble because I once witnessed a dude walk away from a poker game, busted out flat. As he stood up he complained that he just lost the food for his family and was distressed at what happened. True story and that had a huge impact on my life.
I do not condemn gambling or drinking or drugs, but all of that must be in moderation and balanced against the negative effects on your life. I live in Canada where pot is legal. But I set a budget, I spend only so much each month.
If one can not control their habits, then they are addicted and should seek help.
Hello, the fact is that they consider any gambling/betting a sin, this includes alcohol & smoking. I can’t say that I’m a highly addicted player. Sometimes I play poker with my friends, sometimes I spin slots. When I’m not in the mood, I don’t go to an online casino and don’t lower my salary, but I play free games for play money, as I am aware of my actions. It’s just that my family thinks that I’m a mega addict. In fact, I just sometimes spend my time like this. I don’t spend even 10 parts of my monthly salary in the casino, and my mother constantly provokes a conflict and says that it’s time for me to be treated. Apparently not for me…
Thanks for your comment. I’m fully agree with you. I’ve already answered the guy above. Look, the thing is that I’m not addicted. Every month I set a budget for myself from my salary for entertainment (cafes, movies, friends, gambling, etc.). That is, when I lose the allowable amount, I simply log out of the account. If I want to spin more slots, then I play free games for play money, and don’t make another deposit. That is, I can stop in time without any problems. But my mom and dad get crazy at the mere mention of gambling. And no arguments help me. I won’t say that it had been easier with them before, but now it’s completely impossible.
Howdy, Lucky. Welcome to our humble abode. Right off the bat, I have a couple of questions, if you don’t mind…
You said you have to live with friends now because can no longer live with your family. Do you work? Make your own money? Pay you own bills, or at least contribute to the household?
Does your family object to your activities (drinking, smoking, gambling, drugs) based on religious beliefs? Or do they object based on the negative effects they perceive those activities having on you personally?
Meanwhile, while waiting on your answer, I’ll go ahead and say this… If you are an independent grown man, it is YOUR choice how to live your life. That being said, you should be aware that every choice you make has consequences, good and/or bad. As such, we often have to decide what is most important in our lives and then prioritize our wants/desires along with our obligations/responsibilities. Therefore, you have to decide what means more to you: Your family? Or your addictive activities that you claim are not addictions? Not saying you have to totally give up your “hobbies”. Just saying that if your family truly means anything to you, it will likely be necessary to better moderate those activities to a level acceptable to them. You cannot have it both ways. Just my two cents.
(Edit to add: Posted this prior to seeing the responses to Old Man and David.)
You want to make peace with them, “Leave them alone and stop trying to change them.”
THINK ABOUT IT:
You want them to stop. Stop wanting them to stop. They are who they are just as you are who you are. You don’t like it when they try to change you so quit trying to change them.
WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE:
The next time you hear; ‘Stop gambling, drinking, etc.’ The next time you hear, ‘You need jesus,’ in any form. Your only response can be “Thank you for sharing your opinion, I will consider it.” That’s it. Nothing more. You don’t have to agree with it,. rebuke it,. say anything about it, or share your own opinions. Let them think and feel the way they want to think and feel. (Don’t say it. Do it.) Get it through your head, they are the way they are. When they get really pushy, ‘Thank you for caring, it’s my life and I will do as I like, just as you do what you like whith your life.’ End of Discussion.
Now, given that they are the way they are, why in the fuck do you want to make peace with them? That’s like saying, "I think I will slit my wrists and go pet the piranha. What in the fuck is the matter with you?
Okay, now with all of that out of the way… Aside from all the Jesus bullshit. ‘Are they right?’ Have you actually done a personal invetory? How do you know your drinking and gambling are not a problem? And not a problem for who? How would you know one way or the other? And if it is not a problem now, what is your criteria for when it becomes a problem? When it becomes a problem, how will you know? Do you have to have cancer of the liver first? You say it is not a problem: Seriously - How do you know? What are the boundaries? Where are the limits? Only you have the answers for your life.
It seems you have responded to the last comment above. I also seem to have assumed you are older. You live with your parents – How old are you? Are you reliant on their finances? Why are you living with them? That makes very little sense; however, it’s their house. You don’t like listening to them, move out and start living your own life. Or get that it is their house and endur until you are ready to move out. (Back to the original comment. Quit trying to change them. They don’t allow gamblihg in their house and you are being a jerk by insisting they should allow it. Leave your parents the fuckl alone.)
Ah. Well, that makes things simple. If you want to continue living with your parents, do not gamble, smoke, or drink alcohol in their house. It’s a no-brainer. Their house. Their religious beliefs. Their rules. If you don’t like their rules, then go get your own home. Nothing complicated about that. You are not going to change them, nor do you have any right to do so, especially if it’s for the purpose of making things convenient for YOU.
Bottom line is, if you truly love and respect and care about your parents, then you will follow the rules of their house while you are there. What you do AWAY FROM their house as a grown man is none of their business, so long as it does not affect their personal finances or health. Again, pretty damn simple.
Hahaha…uh…let me think…where have I heard this before? Oh yeah, every fucking addict I have met in my life…
Ohh yeah, welcome josh!
Uh…I really hate to give these guys any credit at all, lest they accuse me of some perverted manifestation of something akin to sycophancy, but they are (cough cough) CORRECT…Mom and Dad’s house, Mom and Dad’s rules. You should probably grow a pair and get the fuck out…
Move. If you move you probably will not have the money to feed your habit so it is a win win all round.
Don’t like the house rules? Move fucking house.
DAMN … No sympathy at all around this fucking place. We are a bunch of hard-nosed assholes when it comes to parenting. The guy is actually lucky. If I thought he was spending too much time or money on the computer and not working or taking care of his business, I would have taken the computer into the backyard and blown it away with a shotgun. Discussion over.
True story. I ran group homes. My counselors and house parents always had trouble getting the kids to turn off the TVs at night. I would walk in the house and tell them, to turn off the TV and go to bed. In five minutes everyone would be in bed. If a new kid protested the other kids would drag him kicking and screaming into the bedroom.
Everyone knew, I only told you once and then there was a consequence. Step one, load the TV in the car and let them live without it for 3 days. I’m not fucking around, I am not arguing, I am not playing games. If someone wanted to get in my way? (These were gang bangers who thought they were tough. It happened on occasion.) I smashed the TV on the floor and did not replace it until the kids paid for a new one out of their allowance. YEP! I am a fucking asshole. And if I tell you that you are not going to watch TV or play a fucking computer game in my house, you better fucking believe I mean it. (There will be consequences.) Having a TV is a privilege, when you abuse that privilege, you no longer get to have a TV. It’s not a fucking enigma. You can lose the privilege for 3 days or a month, the choice is yours.
(TVs were commonly donated to the agency, and we had a significant back supply. They were free. 90% of the time, they made it to the car. Once a year I might actually destroy something because a kid wanted to play tough and challenge me. In 7 years, I once trashed an entire room. We had a kid that used to act out by taking a baseball bat to the property. I joined him and we fucked up his room good. Then we put plywood over the windows and hung a sheet over the door. I left, and let him clean up the mess and throw everything away. He never acted out again. Actually not true; He started to one time and I was called over to the house. he upturned his bed and I knocked over his dresser with all his shit on top. He looked at me, I looked at him. "I said, “Well, let’s go!” and he began to cry. He was pissed because another boy had hit him. We sat on the overturned bed and talked about it, then we went out to Jack in the Box. I never had another problem with the kid.
It was my ‘go to’ punishment reward. When the kids did what I told them to do, even though they were angry and out of control, I would find the time to take them to Jack in the box and talk about it. I told them it was to thank them for being smart and not getting into even more trouble. For starting to grow up and use good decision-making skills. (I lied. I really wanted to know what the fuck was going on, who was picking on whom; where the drugs were, who is going out the windows at night, what happened to the staff’s $20.00, who flushed the pigeon down the toilet clogging it, where are the guys hanging out who are ditching school, who put the hole in the ceiling in the back bedroom and with what, why were there girl’s panties in the car, where is our garden hose, are there any more shotgun shells in the house, and can you tell me anything at all that might actually shock me, something you think I have never heard before?
First, it is important to acknowledge and respect your family’s beliefs and values, even if you do not share them. It can be challenging to navigate conflicting values and norms within a family, but it is possible to find common ground and build bridges of understanding. It is also important to take responsibility for your actions and the impact they have on yourself and others. If you feel that your hobbies are causing problems in your relationships, it might be worth considering whether they are worth the consequences. Communication is key in resolving conflicts with family members. You could try having an open and honest conversation with them about your perspectives and feelings, while also acknowledging theirs. This may help to find a compromise that works for everyone involved. I had a similar situation. And even after an open conversation, they didn’t meet me halfway. And since I am an atheist and my view of religion is different from theirs, I made a decision not to tell them anything. I just love online casinos and do not want to give it up, especially since this is my main income recently.
Should I respect the beliefs/values of family members who think it is OK to own a human being, so long as they have more than a certain amount of pigment in their skin?
(Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ) And the survey says… WRONG BANANA BREATH!
There is a big difference between respecting beliefs and respecting people. People are not their beliefs. However, some people imagine they are their beliefs. “I am a Christian.” No! You are a human being who believes you are something special called Christian. You live your life and play the role of your idea of this Christian thing you speak of.
And what happens when family members do not wish to communicate. Communication is necessarily a two party activity. One can communicate he or she no longer wishes to communicate. What are you going to do? Force them?
