Just short of marrying your rapist…

Perhaps it’s reading of the rapes taking place in the Ukraine. Or perhaps it was past reading of Marry-your-rapist law - Wikipedia

So, here goes. I understand this spiritual worldview, because I participated in it 30 years ago. It can still haunt me.

I was, at the time a Pioneer and Elder’s wife. Very spiritual and very adept with scripture. Congregation members were always directed to speak to the Elders, so I was quite surprised when a 16 year old congregation member wanted to speak to me about something very personal.

She had “words” with her parents, and being upset, she left and took a drive. It was evening and she went to a “lookout” place, mid-week to calm herself, cry, listen to music. It was isolated and an area where you can look over the city lights from the top of a hill.

She was raped. The man was wearing a mask. She fought and screamed but he was much larger. She showered when she got home and didn’t say anything to anyone.

She told me.

Now comes the hard part. Did I tell her to go to the police? What about the hospital? Nope. I told her that it weighed heavily on her and she needed spiritual healing.

Still more. She did not want to do that. Did I respect her privacy? Nope. I told my husband the Elder who called a judicial committee to look into it.

She was put through a panel of 3 older men (Elders, including my husband) who “lovingly” grilled her on - her role in the rape; whether she was a virgin; her past sexual activity (how far did she go); were there witnesses to the rape; was she lying and had sex willingly.

They decided, with Jehovah’s spirit, to “just” reprimand and reprove her for one year. I had to sit during her reprimand since I knew about the “event”. They chose not to disfellowship her (she had been baptized) because they judged that she was a virgin before the rape. And they felt it was a Dinah situation.

Scriptural backing:
Deut. chapter 22

Taught since childhood:


…more to come…I have to go shopping :shopping_cart:

I don’t have words. Only profound sorrow and disgust.

I abhor all of religious belief. Christianity makes people do fucked up and immoral shit in the name of their Imaginary Skyfather thinking they will get a gold star and a VIP pass to a gold kingdom full of bliss and eternal retirement. That’s a load of bullshit and deep down inside, they have their doubts.

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Just further evidence of the fact that all it takes for a good person to do someting bad is religion. No one can make a good decision when their mind is cluttered with bullshit. Imagine if you had remained a JW, you would still be ignorantly thinking that what you had done was the correct action to take. After all, it was God’s will!


Post 2 (see OP)

I took her under my wing that year. Bible study. Door-to-door service. She’s sit with me at meetings (church).

I did a great job.

After the year, when she was off “reproof” she decided to become a pioneer.

…will con’t… still shopping :shopping_cart:

Time passed. 5 years to be exact. We of course drifted apart. I had my surgery, divorced, moved to Calgary (career), etc.

Guess who I bump into?


And she’s out.

…still shopping :shopping_cart:

I am finally home. Grocery shopping is time consuming - saving money is work and so is feeding three teenage boys. Took home pizza :pizza:

So, I am obviously “out”. Short dyed hair. Smoke in hand. Tight clothes. Friends.

She is obviously out.

I paused for just a second. At first I was hit with “how I knew her”. But I couldn’t help myself. I went straight up and said…

“Oh MY GOD! You’re out!!! I am so fucking sorry!”

She didn’t hesitate. She hugged me. I was prepared for anything, and quite frankly I deserved anything she would give me. She could have walked away, called me a horrible bitch, punched me and I would have accepted it and deserved it. I cried the moment she hugged me. I had no words.

Needless to say, we kept close contact with each other in Calgary. She did get counselling. We talked openly about her horrible experience and how fucked up it was…the way it was “handled”. I can never take back how horrible and disconnected I was from a fellow human being who had reached out to me in an incredibly difficult time in her life.

I found out through conversations that some things bothered her and didn’t make sense. There had been a “brother” in the congregation stalking her. The Elders knew about it. He would follow her and do the “scary stalker” shit. Deep down she told me she knew it was him. The build, no talking, the mask… no one at the site of the rape but one “rapist”. She and myself, of course, do not know for sure - or ever will. BUT had my advice been “call the police”…

I understand evil actions. I chose an inhumane, cold course of action. It is something I know about myself. It is something I hope to never repeat.

Guard your worldview. Your actions are a result of thought processing. What you feed your mind determines those “processes”. Accept what is real - set your standard for evidence and finally, never put an imaginary fucked up fantasy promise ahead of a real life human being.


Glad things worked out for both of you. That was such a good demonstration of how religion can cause good people to do really shitty things. Somehow, some people, manage to survive and then come out on top of all the shit. “Survivers” If we understood why, we could help a lot more people get there.

I suspect at the very core of successful survivers in an ability to assess and reevaluate the very core of their perspective of reality.

Individuals have that capacity.

Organizations??? Not so much :face_vomiting:

AND child abuse…

THE internet in the late 90s started exposing this worldwide. Until that time, JWs did not know this even happened (goddamn it’s like Russia :grimacing:)