So I had a rather enlightening encounter with a radical nun yesterday.
Instead of vocations class (which is absolutely useless) we went to an assembly where Catholic faith leaders told us about their “calling” to the religious life. Nothing noteworthy, mostly “I saw a sign” or “I heard a voice” type stuff. I was on the verge of death by boredom until this one particular nun came and lectured us on, well, a lot. Here are my favorites.
- Even if you are raised non-Christian and never taught about Jesus, you are going to hell.
- Life would be so much better if Protestants didn’t exist.
- Satan is after my soul and manifests in the form of the desire for premarital sex and violence.
Then there’s my personal favorite.
- Catholicism is right, and the Catholic God is real, just like 2+2=4.
Yes, you read that right. A concept which by nature cannot be proven is undeniably true, just like how 2+2=4. Of course, when the “imperceptible truth” is questioned, the typical response is “it’s a mystery for us humans.”
Really? The truth is both an indisputable fact but also a mystery? The paradox of the century, apparently only intelligible by the most sufficiently brainwashed. Apparently we’re just not smart enough to blindly accept something as true without proof.
In a minute @Richeydale67 will be explaining that I’m sadistic again, oh the irony.
Surely its premarital sex, or violence, but ok I see your point.
An argument from assertion fallacy, and a false equivalence fallacy in one sentence, nuns don’t disappoint fair play.
Also basic maths isn’t true in the same sense a belief is, rather mathematics either adheres to correct principles or does not, a bit like logic, well a lot like logic in fact.
Well, we’re not something enough anyway.
The nun makes point number three sound as if it were a bad thing. If it weren’t for Satan I might never have got laid.
I’m struggling to understand what I’ve done lately to offend Satan? maybe the fucker just likes the easy jobs and attractive young people.
Well. at leaste we can agree on one thing. Life would be better if protestants did not exist. Can we start with the ortthodox Catholics protesting the pagons before we get to the Roman Catholics protesting the Orthodox Catholics, and then the whole martin Luther thing and the invention of modern Protestantism protesting the Catholics that Protested the Orthodox Catholics that protested the Pagan that probably protested some anamism cults… hey? Why not just do away with all of it?
Hmmmmm Maybe god is in a sporting mood again and has made another wager with the devil, as per Job. This time he’s betting your suffering will make you repent the error of your atheist ways and drive you to beg for his mercy and help.
Anyone else got any ideas why satan would be picking on poor Sheldon? I’m sure Sheldon would appreciate any ideas and help .
Against me getting laid in my mid 50’s? That orrible egotistical deity of the bible would get very poor odds
Oh I’m not sure I can describe it as suffering really, but if any deity is betting I’ll beg for anything, that deity is far from omniscient…
Oh I think if the devil exists, he’s laughing at my life same as I am.
Well I am always appreciative of anyone who tries to help others, though I’m baffled why they’d lend their empathy to a lost cause like me…
You mean men don’t die if they don’t get sex? Oh dear, it seems I’ve been lied to . Anyway, it was just a guess. Why satan would want to mess with such world class thorn in theist side, and a sadist to boot, is beyond me.
I see your problem, you still have a shred of hope that things can’t get worse. I’ll never make that mistake again .
Oh absolutely not, I’m under no illusions, many many people are far worse off than me.
Ah, a realist? I think it’s good to keep things in perspective. Lots of people worse off. There are people in agony and being denied pain medication, all while being badgered to convert by one of Mother Teresa’s minions for instance. Plenty of hells on earth, then humans had to go and invent one for an afterlife too.
Would you believe that at work I’m praised for my cheery, bubbly, disposition .
I’ve noticed most Christians talk more about going to Heaven & Hell than they do talking about “God”. I don’t think they really care about their deity like they say. They’re just afraid if they don’t believe and love it, they believe they’ll burn for eternity. Must be stressful being subjugated to a religion like that.
Now that is a winner! I am going to actually use it on a few theist women I know. Shhhhh… don’t tell White. I’m just doing it for shock value anyway. The next time they mention their religion… here it comes.
Pascal’s Wager is certainly a driving force in maintaining large Christian numbers. Better to be safe than sorry, right? Kept me shackled to my Baptist/Methodist indoctrination for most of my life. And (to the best of my memory) I had never even heard of Pascal’s Wager until after I joined the AR.
Theists are weird in that respect, as though a mathematical equation is analogous to god’s existence. It rather perfectly explains why they see random secular things and make divine connections. A particular burned pattern on a piece of toast — must be Jesus’ visage. Silly theists.
Silly THEISTS???.. Surely you jest! I think you may have meant, “Silly ATHEISTS,” because we obviously don’t see those miracles god performs. Our stubborn lack of belief puts a barrier between us and the wonders of his awesome power and love. When god takes the time and effort to form his image on a piece of toast… or in a cloud formation… or in a cup of triple-expresso-half-skinny-frappe-double-dutch-chocolate-latte… or on the ass of somebody’s favorite cocker spaniel, it is his GLORIOUS WAY of letting The Faithful know he cares and is with them forever and ever and ever. We atheists have only ourselves to blame for no longer seeing through the eyes of a child. Therefore, we are not deserving of seeing god’s “secret messages” that are meant to be seen only by his precious children. Think of it this way: When you grow up and stop believing in Santa, you cannot start getting pissed at Santa for no longer bringing you gifts at Christmas. See?
Too bad the optometrist can’t prescribe faith colored glasses, amiright?
Surprised nobody has thought of that yet. Could be a multi-million dollar business… (tax-exempt, of course).
I’d probably just wear them as a disguise during the Handmaid’s Tale uprising.
This isn’t the atheist you’re looking for.
Ah. Well… In that case… “May the God Force be with you… Always.”
Best atheist costume. No one will fuck with you.