When I was young, my parents found out that I attracted to men, and I like to dress up like a girl. Also, I don’t see any concrete evidence of why god exists, so i don’t want to believe in imaginary friends either.
Guess what? My parents brought me the most compelling evidence a young mind will ever comprehend, a belt to hit my ass with and my father disowning me. Nice evidence, very concrete, physical pain is the arbiter of truth.
And now that I have my own job and home, my mother keeps calling me and asking why I will never visit them for Christmas.
Did you really not get the hint, mom? Do you think causally talking about how “faggots” should be burned alive would make me appreciate having dinner with you?
p.s
my third boyfriend was a wonderful man, but I had to leave him because I don’t want him to meet my parents because my extended family spread a rumor that I was being a “slave” to this man. I had to end our relationship to protect his and my reputation.
i try to live a normal life away from my parents but even that is difficult. I thought the best way to avoid an abusive situation is to remove yourself from them?
My sympathies that’s a tough upbringing, and well done for freeing yourself from an abusive relationship with your own parents, that can’t have been easy.
From your description I agree it was the only path forward for you. And I understand that it is difficult.
I’ve always said that my parents came to fundamentalism in their 40s and so had already been socialized to be decent people, and it spared me a lot of the kinds of things you describe. I have no doubt that, had I been gay or otherwise nonconformant, they would never have disowned me. Expressed concern, sure, but not abused me or rejected me in any way. So your parents were basically attempting to do right by you without connecting it to the real world or your actual needs or the particulars of your personality and so on.
The only thought I have to offer is that if you haven’t ever been drop dead direct and clear about how you feel and why you feel that way, then it’s likely you haven’t fully drawn clear boundaries and it might be helpful for example to just say for example, Mom, Dad beat me and disowned me, you use slurs to describe what I am and tell me I should be burned alive so why on earth would you expect me to visit? And see where (if anyplace) that leads. At least it puts the ball in their court. If all that results is self-pitying / self-righteous caterwauling then that’s information, too. But if it’s never been put to them in stark terms maybe it should be. Most likely they will at least quit pestering you about visiting. It’s also remotely possible they might self-reflect and soften at least a little (although, for your own emotional health, don’t count on it).
In other words, obviously dear old Mom really didn’t “get the hint”, so maybe stop hinting.
If fear of further rejection is holding you back, can they really do anything more in that department than they’ve already done?
This is all very difficult and fraught and I don’t know the whole situation, but I just sense something needs to be done to shake it up.
I can empathize. Even I don’t like hearing them sit there entertaining dark thoughts of torture and murder just because someone lives differently. Their church and their bible has made them so brain washed that they think this is “normal and acceptable” behavior. I get tired of them preaching about Hell. I’m thinking: you love the idea of hell so much, then go set your own ass on fire and see how you like it.
I once saw a video on YouTube showing a male lion sexually mounting another male lion and going at it with him while the female sat right next to the two males contently licking her paws and thought “have a blast dudes!” Though I’m a heterosexual, I personally feel that everyone has the right to live their lives according to their own designs so long as they don’t interfere with anyone’s right to do the same and that it’s nobody else’s goddamn business, especially when it comes to the law! Unfortunately we live in a world where there are religious types that want to meddle in everyone else’s affairs. I say go for those guys and enjoy your life. Screw anyone else who thinks otherwise!
Oh, @NatashaAnnaBaker, I’m so sorry you went through that. Family is an attitude and blood is not thicker than water.
My hope is that you have found people to be in your life with whom you can share who you are openly and freely, whom you can trust, laugh with, learn from, and depend on. Don’t forget that you are one of those people.