I was just walking through the park and there it was under a pile of Ginko leaves, a small sliver of dark, pre-Jesus looking wood.
I knew immediately what it was. I began jumping for joy and screaming, “I found the ark. I found the ark!”
A group of Jehovah’s Witnesses who were standing on a nearby corner, abandoned their books and pamphlets, and rushed over as fast as they could. I held up the small sliver of pre-Jesus wood and they were sufficiently impressed. They fell to their knees, clasped their hands together under their chins and began to pray.
I knew in an instant that I had to act fast, before all the reporters arrived. I dashed to the car, flung open the trunk, pulled out a small shovel, ran back to where the ark was burred and began to dig.
A small crowd began to gather. I showed people the small piece of wood and convinced all true Christians to help me dig out the ark.
When the police arrived, the hole was about 10 feet deep and 15 feet across. The Jehovah’s Witness had contacted the rest of their congregation and they were all assisting in the bucket lines. The true Christians, about 20 of them, were in the hole digging as fast as God would let them.
The police were not very nice. They just started beating people and screaming something about city property. I tried to show them the pre-jesus wood that I had found but some asshole wrenched my arm behind my back and knocked it from my hand.
Fuck! I know that when I go back there the damn cops are going to have that fucking hole filled in. That means the pre-jesus wood is buried in a 10 foot deep hole in the frigging park someplace. Do you know how hard it is going to be to find it again??? DAMN!
Anyway, as soon as I am out of here, I will contact my Christian friends and we will go back to the park and find that piece of pre-jesus wood and dig up that damn ark.
Then you will believe me.