Do you think it’s another illusion for how others to deal with being alone?
No, friendship, imo, is quite real. Yes, people are brought together by circumstance, but that doesn’t guarantee a bond will ensue. Friendship comes in as many flavors, levels, and timespans as you have friends.
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I wouldn’t know the definition if it hit me in the face. The word comes off as something you’d hear in grade school (to me)
There have been people that I talked to in school growing up. I hung out with people (sometimes), but I wasn’t in their friends group. I was just that guy people wanted to talk to when they were bored and then quickly forgotten about.
IRL, I often (always) don’t open myself up to being friends because people change their mind about you, move on, or decide they’re tired of you and end further interaction eventually. So I just don’t bother with the label or even considering that I would ever be their friend, let alone friend material. People in my life have suggested we be friends, but I do dismiss it because it is unreal to me.
I don’t think love or friendship are illusions per se; they are just subject to the shortcomings, blind spots, hot buttons, communication failures and neuroses of the humans involved. Which by itself is enough to make various forms of interpersonal commitments … hm, what euphemism applies here? Challenging? Interesting?
Certainly quite often, a lot of effort for a very uncertain outcome. It helps to approach attachments with a certain amount of detachment, if you will. Hope for the best, but not too much. Allow for speed bumps and ruptures. That sort of thing.
Hi! Frenidship has never been a illusion to me.
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I’d say it can and is both, the result is real, and a consequence of being brought together by circumstance. Perhaps I am not intelligent enough, but how can one be friends if not brought together by circumstance? Again maybe it’s just me, but even the best of friendship will involve compromise, the key ingredient must surely be some shared interest you both enjoy.
I agree, my friends are a very varied bunch, as you’d expect. Also some people are far more gregarious and outgoing, and count far more people among their friends as a result.
I wouldn’t get too hung up on that, some people crave close friendship more than others. We’re all different, I can go for ages with little human contact, but it’d drive some of my friends nuts, so they have more friends than I do.
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Friendship has been quite real to me. My experience in this area is very limited however–I’ve had only one friend during my life and a bunch of what I’d call acquaintances.
Becoming friends with someone through circumstance certainly was a factor in my case. When I was seven we moved to this area from out of state a week before school started and I didn’t know anyone in the area. At school we were given the choice of eating lunch in the cafeteria or outside in the playground. I chose to eat outside. There was a long line of benches near the buildings, and people usually sat closest to the building. Being shy and socially awkward, I, of course, sat by myself at the very last bench in the line. The next to last bench was occupied too, I supposed by someone shy like me. Eventually we got to talking and found out we had much in common (interest in math, science, music, reading), so we started to hang out together, both at school and after school, and quicky became best friends.
We were teased mercilessly by the other kids, however, because my newfound friend was a girl. That didn’t bother me in the least, and it didn’t bother her either, so we just ignored the teases and taunts.
Fast forward seven years to high school and we were still best friends and very close. Just a few weeks after starting high school we took the next step and became boyfriend/girlfriend. As mentioned above, we didn’t have any friends during HS and college, just acquaintances of varying degrees. That never bothered us because we had each other, and that’s all that mattered.
Fast forward another fifty years and we’re still together and just as close as we’ve ever been. Do I ever wish I/we had other friends? No, not really. Our friendship has always been so close and so deep that we’ve never missed having other friends.
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Hi! Frendship isn’t a illusion to me
Webster includes six potential meanings on the word “friend”. As humans, we love to quantify and qualify everything…thank you, Aristotle…
I see it as a survival strategy. Like an instinct. Four eyes looking for danger is better than two…
Dolphins, horses, dogs and elephants…to sight a few examples, all rely on partners who share a common purpose…that of not being threatened or eaten…or to ensure all partners will eat.
What we humans decide to do with this evolutionary imperative seems to still be evolving. In some parts of the world it has lost its urgency, as most needs are accounted for and survival is less tenuous.
In the west, from what I’ve seen over the years, friendship seems to be moving more towards a more superficial basis. Quantity over quality.
While I agree with R. L. Narayan’s statement in essence, I see it more as a commentary on modern life. Humans seem to feel that they have outlived evolution and the fears and circumstances that developed our early survival instincts.
To sum up, a friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a body.
I might crib that one, lol.
People approach friendships with a lot of different expectations. If you want a friend to affirm and support you, those are harder to come by, especially if you are hoping that will overcome a personal insecurity or three. If you want someone with common interests to do things with or converse with, that’s easier. We are all “friends” here in that sense, probably in the least strict sense.
It is not my personal experience that the pool of potential friends is better or worse than I recall, but there’s certainly a general trend toward superficiality that has to be effecting friendships. I just haven’t needed to try very hard in many years now.
Illusion is my friend.
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I still hang out with many of my friends from high-school. We have common interests.