There I was, making my way down the road on my regular Friday night liquor run. As is befitting most Bible Belt rural areas, there are multiple churches along the route to my local package store. And while most Friday nights those churches are vacant and quiet, tonight I noticed they were all brightly lit with their parking lots overflowing. At first this puzzled me, but then I remembered this is Easter weekend. And then it hit me, “Ah-ha! Passion Plays!”
Yep, that yearly event where millions of people celebrate the brutally torturous “death” of an all-knowing/all-powerful god that made himself into his own human son to have himself “sacrificed” to himself for all of humanity to “pay” for the sins that he was responsible for creating. And as a means of drawing in as many followers as possible, some king from a few centuries ago hijacked a Pagan holiday to designate the annual celebration day of that “sacrifice” event. Of course, along with that hijacked holiday came a bunny rabbit that lays eggs, and a celebration date that changes every year. (It amazes/amuses me how so many Christians are STILL completely unaware of that interesting bit of trivia.)
Anyway, the important thing to remember here is that from now on during Easter weekends I need to carefully time my Friday night liquor run to avoid all the church traffic. I got lucky tonight. Everybody was already at the churches on my way to the store, and they had already cleared out before I returned home. God must love me.
Happy human sacrifice day!
Happy child murderer night!!! (Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the god in your house tonight!)
*G‑d visited the last of the ten plagues on the Egyptians, killing all their firstborn. While doing so, G‑d spared the children of Israel, “passing over” their homes—hence the name of the holiday. *
Happy No Body in the Cave Day!
In an attempt to associate this day with something joyous that actually happened…
I’m just wondering… … Is there a factory somewhere that custom makes the crosses churches use to nail “Jesus” to during their plays?
Which begs the question…
Why wasn’t Jesus burnt on an altar rather than crucified on a cross? I mean, we all know how the smell of burnt offerings pleases God.
Since I don’t pay much attention to the holidays with ‘movable’ dates, I hadn’t realized ‘Ether’ weekend was upon us until I checked the schedule calendar this week and saw this day off for all of us.
I’m a state employee (in the U. S.), and though I question the state or nation making this a legal holiday, I’ll take the day off with pay if they’re offering. I figure there are bigger ‘nits to pick’ when it comes to separation of church and state issues. But I do understand when someone opposes every issue–‘give them an inch, they’ll take a mile.’
Anyway, in my absent-mindedness I’d forgotten about this being ‘child mass murder night’ and human sacrifice day. Credit due to Whitefire13 for reminding me.
And to Tin-Man, my little knowledge of the event only tells me the reason they hadn’t burnt JC at the alter was probably because he was being executed by Roman jurisdiction.
But that sounds interesting: would that sadistic god love to indulge in his own burning flesh? But maybe he figured it would be more practical for his followers to flash crosses around rather than a replica of an altar. Crosses might be more practical for jewelry too.
Well, he only skipped killing those children if their parents remembered to mark their doors so he’d know who lived there. I mean you can’t expect this god to know everything . . . oh, right.
Well, since he supposedly sent himself to earth knowing he’d be tortured I think he qualifies as both a sadist and a masochist.
Some “savior”. JC couldn’t even save himself. At least, he was the “eternal optimist”! Ha. —>
Oh, by the way, folks. Mystery solved!
Andy - (Re: Jesus memes)
Not to put too fine a point on things, but…
Technically speaking, Jesus could not save himself from himself, and was asking himself why he had forsaken himself.
Since the Knights Templar weren’t around to have THEIR bad Friday until the 1100’s, Friday the 13th wouldn’t have been an issue for Jesus. Unless, of course, Jason Voorhees happened to be lurking about during those days.
Just adding to those unaware of this reference. The Knights Templar had grown to become very rich and powerful. On Friday, 13 October 1307 King Philip IV (who owed the Templars as lot of money) ordered de Molay and scores of other French Templars to be simultaneously arrested.
The Catholics did what they do best for any enemy, they burned many Knights and de Molay at the stake.
So, Jesus had no idea WHY he was doing what he was doing? So much for an “omniscient” god!
I think that whatever the day was, when JC got nailed, it was INDEED a GOOD DAY for all. Ha.
@Kellii There I go again. I didn’t think of applying that term: masochist. Thanks for reminding me.
whatever the day was, when JC got nailed, it was INDEED a GOOD DAY for all. Ha.
@Andy-Stout Interesting thought. I had to chuckle too.
It just occurred to me that god is the sadist, Jesus is the masochist and the holy ghost is the sadomasochist. Finally the trinity makes sense .
From left to right … god, jesus, the holy spirit?
Maybe I should begin referring to jesus as “The Gimp”?
The bible is quite a diverse book really. Part pulp fiction, part fairy tale, part torture porn.