Definitions of Jesus

FUN - does not show up as a choice, but I am happy to debate. I found some interesting definitions of Jesus. Perhaps you can add your own. (Here are some I thought of.)

Jesus: A good excuse from pretty much anything.

Jesus: A mythical zombie who wants your soul. (SEE: Boogieman)

Jesus: Assistant manager at Jack in the Box.

Jesus: The creator of the toast, “Here’s spit in your eye!”

Jesus: The guy fucking Christ.

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Jesus: A hippy/trans looking man worshiped by people who hate both.

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This is what we in maintenance call a Jesus clip. Usually once it comes off the immediate response is

“Jesus Christ where did that go?”

Also because it’s usually turns up 3 days later.


I think Jesus was the first reformed rabbi.

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My understanding is that they have something like that in the porn industry as well. They clip it on before screaming “Jesus Christ.”


Jesus: A jewish man who has many followers who hate jews. The leader of a religion who preached against material wealth and whose leading clergy live like rock stars and kings.


I can vouch for this, they’re called circlips. In the factory I worked in they had a polished concrete floor, fuck me you would not believe how far small items would go on that sucker when dropped.

In a moment of what now seems like madness, I dismantled my Snap-on screwdriver, the circlip came of ok using the pliers I ground down especially to remove it, but then my confidence took a hit when I removed the cover and a small (I’m talking 3mm long, and 2mm dia at it’s widest) nipple was propelled skyward by the spring that the cover was holding in place. I ran round like a twat sweeping every bit of crap up in a 10 metre circumference, then sifted through it, found the sucker as well. You live and learn…Still got the screwdriver, bought it in 1989 so everyone who laughed at the £24 price tag then can fuck right off as well. :sunglasses:


Sounds like a perfect room for midget bowling.

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