Experts from the Institute of Hygiene and Applied Immunology at the Medical University of Vienna analyzed the water in 21 holy springs in Austria and in 18 fonts in Vienna at various times during the year, the Daily Mail reported.
They found that 86 percent of water samples from holy sources contained fecal matter, and every milliliter of holy water contained up to 62 million bacteria, none of it safe to drink.
Stupid fucking scientists are at it again. No one drinks holy water. You sprinkle it all over yourself. You dip babies in it. You rub it on your sick family member’s ailing areas. Sometimes you bathe in it. But every good Christian knows not to drink the holy water. After all, it’s holy and the church never talked about which hole it comes from.
HOLY SHIT! I just discovered the miracle diet. You can lose 30 pounds in a week. I swear to god this diet will change your life. Do you want to get into that new bathing suit for the summer? Eat like a fucking pig and then one week before summer, start this amazing new diet. With the help of God, Holy water, and Communion Wafers, the pounds will melt away. I am creating new recipes right now. This is “THE HOLY GRAIL OF WEIGHT LOSS.” You can stuff your face and still lose weight on this amazing pious diet.
This reminds me of the story of the weeping crucifix in Mumbai, in which indian skeptic Sanal Edamaruku figured out that the “tears” were the result of sewage from faulty plumbing and capillary action. Edamaruku in the end had to escape India to Finland to avoid prosecution and jailtime because the catholic church was oh so offended.
I am going to shamelessly hijack this for a joke, which I have undoubtedly posted before, but s’fuckin funny…
So a bear is bursting for a shit, and as it charges through the woods looking for a suitable spot, it sees a clearing with a small stream running through it. Unable to believe its luck, it runs to the edge of the stream and squats…as it enjoys the relief, the bear looks around for the first time and notices a rabbit sitting a few feet away, and also taking a shit…
There’s a moment of awkward silence and the bear says hey, and the rabbit says s’up? Unable to think of anything to say the bear eventually says “tell me, do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?”
The rabbit shrugs, and says “no”.
Then the bear picks up the rabbit, and wipes his arse with it, and tosses it into the stream.
