Oh… Dear… GOD! Could you POSSIBLY be a BIGGER kiss-ass? 
Edit to add: Oh, by the way, what time does the seminar start? Do I need to bring donuts or coffee or anything?
I say we get an early taste of the eggnog you are storing in the garage. Yea, I know the shit needs to ferment for a year before it reaches its full hallucinogenic potential but we could still have fun wallowing in our own vomit for three days pretending we were in fairy land. And the seminar would be so much more interesting.
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Frankly, I’m a bit hurt that you would infer that I might be inclined to exhibit behavior euphemistically referred to as “ass- kissing”…
While I might perhaps, occasionally, have a slight tendency toward the inclination to exhibit a characteristic style of exchange described as “patronizing”, I would never insult someone of your magnanimity and forbearance by attempting to employ such a simplistic approach to a conversation with a clearly accomplished conversationalist.
Oh! Yes! If you could, maybe bring some coffee…I really like Kopi Luwak…
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Guess what. This is your lucky day. We won’t be needing that “Newbie” batch. I just happened to find a batch that has been “aging” for over TWO YEARS under a tarp at the back of my property. See, whattahappened-wuz is the tarp is brown, and a tree fell in front of it blocking it from view. Then all the growth around it over the passing months further concealed it. Naturally, I forgot it was there. (Out of sight, out of mind.) Just happened to stumble upon it again by accident when I was looking for a spot to “age” a fresh batch. (I really need to start making maps of my “aging” locations. ) Anyway, we are SET for the seminar! 
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Ewwwww…! You like poopie coffee? 
You disgusting bastard!.. 
… Although, I have to admit I’m curious… … Oh, okay! Fine! I’ll see if I can find some!
(I confess. I had to look it up to see what it was.)
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Well, dang. That shit should have set up by now. I’ve never smoked eggnog before but that sounds like an option. Can we break off a few chunks and chew the stuff or will it dissolve our teeth?
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Really? Holy shit, it’s your lucky day then…
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Just make sure you bring your own acetylene torch and welding goggles.
Hmmm… If you value your teeth, I suggest you just use the suppository method. A word of advice, however… Make sure you coat it with a thick layer of axle grease to help lessen the burning sensation and avoid major blistering.
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Ha! You forget who you are talking to. I’m a professional!
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Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I was actually just trying to be considerate of the new guy and give him a heads-up. By all means, please feel free to go raw-dawg with The Nog.
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I have a few cookies that were made by combining the local organic herb with Chocolate chip batter. They will alter your perception sufficiently so you won’t care who your talking too, just pleased to be in the pool, or writing little ditties for the internet to consume.
Can’t share all, but I would part with a few halves, because a whole is far too much of a good thing.
We could all leap to boundless conclusions, it would be a hoot and we would earn the respect and admiration of the aware.
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Yeah. Get a room, you two (I’ll pay for room service) 
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Uh huh…more claims and assertions, sans evidence…we are fully prepared to put your specious claim to the test…I have fresh ghost peppers to add to the mix…just for you.
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Hmmm… … We may have something here. Let’s seee… Your cookies… My Nog… A kiddie pool full of hairless guinea pigs covered in olive oil… And a slip-n-slide… … YES!!! BRILLIANT! How many more of those cookies can you make?
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Hell, Ratty, I ain’t gonna do that to you. Three’s a crowd. You two kids go have fun. If you don’t mind, though, maybe swipe three or four towels for me? Please? I really lovel hotel towels. Best towels EVER. 
I like how you think, but Ghost Peppers aren’t even gonna register with Cog. He ain’t kiddin’. He’s a pro. Better use Chocolate Bhutlah or Carolina Reaper if you want even a small chance of a reaction from him. Maybe even throw in a bit of pure capsaicin extract.
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My herb supply is zeroed out but for the right group of people I can have some flown in from the jungles of another American country.
We have multi year based nog every festivus, my son shares his pride and joy he has kept in the dark of his liquor cabinet.
Y’all are welcome to visit my oasis in the pines, listen to classic 70’s music and solve the worlds problems. It’ll be memorable, I’m not interested in any man love situations. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. So you all will need to take that upstairs, or out into the pines.
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Well, I have been working on a Poison Ivy extract which should facilitate the desired result when combined with any of the previously mentioned substances, and should put to rest the specious claims of a certain individual. The desired effects should be obtained within one hour of contact when applied via the aforementioned suppository.
It would be my duty as one who concerns himself with providing the most efficacious experience(s), to contribute in any manner possible.
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I just smoke a doobie and watch Monty Python or Cheech and Chong.
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