Avoiding a Vampire Attack

Debate Room
#1

The only way to avoid an apocalyptic vampire attack is to stock up on cloves of garlic, bathe in garlic water, and eat lots of garlic for breakfast lunch, and dinner. You don’t have to get vampire bit. It’s your choice. Also, vampires are allergic to holy water. You can steal some from a local church. Try to get the fresh stuff that has not been tainted by all the sinners. Before Sunday services is a good time to get the water. Or, you could just order it online. Holy Water from Lourdes 100ml | Lourdes Giftshop

I would sell you some of mine but I am stocking up for the zombie apocalypse. Another thing you can do is replace your windows with mirrors. Vampires hate mirrors. Mirrors with crosses on them are best. Vampires are very religious and believe in Jesus. They always run away from crosses less the holy cross touches them and they burst into flames.

Speaking of bursting into flames, once you catch a vampire just tie him up and leave him on the front lawn. The morning sunlight will kill him. The only other way to kill one is to drive a wooden stake through its heart. It’s a hard target and you will risk being bit. If you get bit, you will become a vampire too. It’s best to let the sun kill the beast for you.

Finally, never look into a vampire’s eyes. He will hypnotize you and then do horrible things to you that you will not remember. You will also stop bathing and your skin will begin rotting from your bones. (I made that last part up. But, you do get pretty stinky.) So, I just thought everyone should know. Vampires are real and Space People are friendly. I don’t have enough time to tell you about the space people today. I just thought everyone should know. You have a choice. Protect yourself or get bit during the vampire apocalypse. Those are the only choices. Good Night.

1 Like
#2

Have you been getting into the magic mushrooms again?

1 Like
#3

I can’t believe people actually buy into that shit. Holy water…? Are you fucking kidding me?

ryan-reynolds-confused

2 Likes
#4

If you guys are into vampires, check this documentary out lol.

3 Likes
#5

Watched a whole season of that at my brother-in-law’s house one Thanksgiving. Laughed my ass off the entire time. :joy::joy::joy:

2 Likes
#6

If holy water can kill vampires, why cant it cure herpes or the clap? :thinking:

2 Likes
#7

Uh, well, I’m just curious…how do you know that it doesn’t? I’m just askin’

Edit:stop scratching

1 Like
#8

You drank it before? :open_mouth:

1 Like
#9

I have it on good authority that a werewolf can kill a vampire.

4 Likes
#10

What? I told my girlfriend it could cure herpes and the clap. What the hell are you talking about? It’s a known fact that god heals herpes and the clap. God Healed Me From Herpes 1 And 2: Testimony Share – God Healed Me From Herpes 1 and 2 Once you believe in God, anything is possible. Even Vampire Apocolypses. You just need the right prayer. Say this one three times before you go to bed at night and once in the morning. Sprinkle the blood of a dead chicken over your privates and wear a Pope hat for 30 days. You will be cured.

“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.” “And the people all tried to touch him, because power was coming from him and healing them all.” “‘But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord.”

2 Likes
#11

Don’t be silly. Werewolfs aren’t real. They are just un-evolved people.
Unevolved people

2 Likes
#12

The show kills me, the third season was hilarious. Colin Robinson is a genius character.

1 Like
#13

The original movie is very funny, and the TV series is one of the few things I like to watch. Vampires on Stanten Island? Of course, who’s going to worry about a few hundred missing people in New York? They have to eat someone.

1 Like
#14

Uh, wait…you didn’t answer My question…
And…uh, who said anything about “drinking” it?

Edit: dippity doggety

#15

Well…uh, how can that possibly be? If anything is possible, then that would have to include the possibility that Graud does not exist…correct?
Isn’t that a plausible possibility? Is it passively parseable?..posthumously pleasurable? Or is it just possible, that with Graud nothing is possible?.. could it be that there is a conspiracy between Graud and the vampires?
A sort of “if you believe in me, I will believe in you and they will believe in us”?
We know there are vampires cause we have “seen” them…

Edit: sans Graud

#16

Question: Would you have to drink it, bathe in it, or just have a priest sprinkle a bit around the affected area while saying some type of Holy Mary chant?

1 Like
#17

Oh you atheists just play word games and twist stuff around. The human language is too limited to express the concept of God. You can only know God through personal experience, hallucinogenic mushrooms, smoking banana peel, and standing behind Tin Man’s oil farts.

2 Likes
#18

Well, respectfully, I think Mr D has some reticence concerning the necessary enematic
procedure to facilitate the cure. If we can just get him past that, then I think the standard “Hail Marty” while standing on one leg and then quacking loudly should suffice.

Edit I believe in manacles

#19

Good question! Maybe it can! …just kidding. Its just water.

1 Like
#20

That statement is incoherent. You are using the limited language to make your point about the limited language. Stop it.
What you think you “know” is your poor abused brain counter-acting the toxic effects of the aforementioned viscous emissions, combined with the hallucinogenic trauma and the associated fear-reactive anxieties understandably present in your clearly capacity-limited and under-developed amygdala.
If you doubt what I say, remember that all atheists are liars.

Edit: there is nothing to fear but “me”

1 Like