The only way to avoid an apocalyptic vampire attack is to stock up on cloves of garlic, bathe in garlic water, and eat lots of garlic for breakfast lunch, and dinner. You don’t have to get vampire bit. It’s your choice. Also, vampires are allergic to holy water. You can steal some from a local church. Try to get the fresh stuff that has not been tainted by all the sinners. Before Sunday services is a good time to get the water. Or, you could just order it online. Holy Water from Lourdes 100ml | Lourdes Giftshop
I would sell you some of mine but I am stocking up for the zombie apocalypse. Another thing you can do is replace your windows with mirrors. Vampires hate mirrors. Mirrors with crosses on them are best. Vampires are very religious and believe in Jesus. They always run away from crosses less the holy cross touches them and they burst into flames.
Speaking of bursting into flames, once you catch a vampire just tie him up and leave him on the front lawn. The morning sunlight will kill him. The only other way to kill one is to drive a wooden stake through its heart. It’s a hard target and you will risk being bit. If you get bit, you will become a vampire too. It’s best to let the sun kill the beast for you.
Finally, never look into a vampire’s eyes. He will hypnotize you and then do horrible things to you that you will not remember. You will also stop bathing and your skin will begin rotting from your bones. (I made that last part up. But, you do get pretty stinky.) So, I just thought everyone should know. Vampires are real and Space People are friendly. I don’t have enough time to tell you about the space people today. I just thought everyone should know. You have a choice. Protect yourself or get bit during the vampire apocalypse. Those are the only choices. Good Night.