Why is there no Athiest Republic App?
An application to do what?
We don’t need one. We have a secret handshake. Well, It’s not actually a handshake, but it is a shake of sorts. I’d tell you more but its secret.
Yes, and you know what we agreed would be the consequence of revealing more…
Edit (dead men tell no tales)
"revealing the secret order under no less penalty than of having my breast torn open, plucked out, and placed on the highest pinnacle of the temple. My heart and vitals taken from thence, and thrown over my left shoulder, and carried into the valley of Jehoshaphat, there to be devoured by the vultures of the air, should I ever knowingly violate the fellow craft obligation. So keep me steadfast in the due performance of the same.
Ahem, nuff said, the first rule of atheist club, DON’T TALK ABOUT ATHEIST CLUB!
Hey, don’t reveal the secret!
(Not that there is a secret to reveal. Not at all. Nope.)
An atheist app? Would that be some sort of app that would guide us on how to properly follow the Atheist Worldview Code? Like, you know, download the app to your phone, and then every time you do something that violates the Atheist Dogma the phone will sound a notice alarm. And when you check your phone there will be a message informing you what transgression you committed. Oo-oo-oo! Here’s a better idea. An option for a shock collar device that ties in with the phone app. Deviate from proper atheist behavior and - ZAP! - an ass-clinching 500 volt jolt to the neck/throat as a gentle reminder to maintain proper atheist conduct.
Is that the type of app being requested?
IT would sure make it easier to track you all…
not as though I’ve tried bwaaahhhaaaaahhhaaaa
What atheist code. We have no atheist code. Everyone knows to deny … uuuu… to pretend the … uuu… What in the hell are you talking about?
I asked ChatGPT the following:
Can you describe the central ideas of atheism?
…to which it answered:
Atheism is the rejection of belief in the existence of any deity or deities. As such, atheism does not have a set of central ideas or doctrines, but rather represents a lack of belief in gods or supernatural beings.
That being said, there are a few common threads that tend to run through the beliefs of many atheists. One is a reliance on reason and empirical evidence as the basis for knowledge and belief, rather than relying on faith or dogma. Another is a commitment to the natural world and a rejection of supernatural explanations for natural phenomena.
Some atheists also tend to value human autonomy and freedom of thought and expression, and may be skeptical of institutions and authorities that seek to impose dogmatic beliefs or limit personal freedom.
It’s important to note, however, that atheism is not a monolithic belief system, and there is a great deal of diversity among atheists in terms of their beliefs, values, and priorities.
So there you have it.
Listen… Just hear me out on this… Why should we NOT expose our “non-existent” (wink-wink) Worldview Code (W.C.)? I mean, think about it… Whenever Christians do something that makes their religion look bad to non-believers, all the other Christians are always quick to point out how those deliquents are “not true Christians.” And what do they use to determine that? Well, their Big Book of God Rules, naturally.
So, with that in mind, if we atheists were to have our own W.C. written out and published, then we could also have “scriptures” that would allow us to distance ourselves from miscreants claiming to be atheists. Some individual or group commits an atrocity is the name of Atheism, we can simply point to our W.C. and say, “They are not true atheists, because they did not follow rule number blah-blah-blah.” Or, if somebody uses atheism as an excuse to discriminate against those of different gender, race, lifestyle, etc., we will have our trusted W.C. to show everybody how those folks are not true atheists. Now, imagine combining that with the Atheist App. It could be awesome!
(Edit for bathroom break.)
No, no, no… Atheist hiddenness is completely reasonable. We don’t want pseudo intellectuals joining the movement. People without the true calling to atheism. Those who have not experienced the truth in their hearts. Everyone knows that you must have belief in your heart and faith in the movement before the secret code has any real meaning.
This conviction is what drives evangelizing atheists to debate, have radical life changes at the time of conversion, and, preeminently, martyrdom for the cause. The Atheist conviction does not happen coincidentally; faith and belief in human reason drives conversion version and belief. You must be with us or against us. You have the freedom of choice without being influenced by dogma. A mind ill prepared to understand Atheist scripture will only draw false conclusions.
This is why we have a master class of atheists who are capable of passing on the dogma by word of mouth alone. When the student is ready the teacher appears.
Can you imagine what the atheist movement would be like if everyone had access to the secrets? No more secret handshakes, magical butt-bumps, or mystical thongs of power? The end of mystical oils and anointing lube-jobs. (Umm… If we ever really had any such stuff, … which we don’t.)
Our secrets shall remain secrets. It’s for the good of the movement.
Hmmm… … Yes… Yes, you are correct. I see the light now. My eagerness and enthusiasm to spread The Word of Atheism blinded me to the potential perils to The Cause. The secrets that don’t exist should most certainly be protected from the contamination of wannabe non-believers. For the Atheist Worldview is incredibly powerful, and with great power comes great responsibility. Therefore, those of us who have been entrusted with this great power must prevent others from abusing it. Moreover, we must stand ready to carefully guide those who have discovered that power, so that they too can one day follow in our footsteps and continue the task of keeping The Atheist Movement on its proper course. Please forgive me for my moment of mental flatulence, and thank you for adjusting my perspective back to its proper view.
(Edit for Uncle Ben and web slinging.)
Wait! What?? Tin told me about these things and a whole lot more when he recruited me while on one of his “missions”. Do you mean to tell me that he just made it all up to hornswaggle me into joining his “belief system”? Frankly, I am hurt and rather disappointed. I have been not speaking about the things that don’t exist long enough that, now, I just want to blabber what I don’t know to anyone who will ignore me.
So let me get this straight. There are “secrets” for which there is no evidence, that are an inextricable element of the “Atheist System” which is not really a system? Is that also a secret? Is whether or not that is a secret also a secret? I really don’t know what to believe any more. It sure is a good thing that I still have my “faith”.
Well, of course you can count on me to pretend that those non-existent secrets in fact do not exist, as far as can be ascertained by the usual supernatural methods. mum’s the word
Edit ( a little birdy told me)
Good! Everything that does not exist is completely safe once again. We are all on the same invisible, non-corporal, beyond time and space, eternally, non-existent, page.
You obviously were not paying attention during that sales pitc-… uh, I mean, uh, briefing. I most clearly and precisely implied in as vague a manner as possible that such things were most certainly a denied existence within the fabricated false reality that is often referred to as the Atheist Worldview. Furthermore, even IF I had spoken to you of such things (which I can neither confirm nor deny doing), I am supremely confident in saying it would have been solely for the purpose of misleading you, so as to gain your trust and test your gullibility and loyalty. And considering you have implied that I revealed to you non-existing information regarding a non-recognized dogma, I would like to be the first to congratulate you on passing the test you were never given. Welcome to the pseudo-club of which nobody admits to being a non-member. Your cookie is on the breakroom counter, and a cold glass of milk awaits you in the fridge. (If you are lactose intolerant, there is a carton of almond milk on the top shelf.)
(Edit for non-participation trophy.)
I am honored to be disregarded as a non-participating non-member. It has been a lifelong disinterest to be omitted from active membership in a non-existent “order”.
I assumed the cookie was just a prop, so I gave it to Cog. In the interest of public safety, make sure there is plenty of the almond milk.
Edit (I am not a member)
But is your member a member?
Oh, that reminds me. Make sure you stop by the admin office to obtain your non-membership card. And it’s not a rule that you must not have it with you at all times as proof that you do not belong to a non-existing club.
Even if it was, it would never be allowed to admit it.