Atheist Inventions for Christians

I was perusing the atheist stores, reading T-shirts for a chuckle, and thought of a wonderful product I could sell on E-bay.

The Jesus doll.
Yep. The holy, eternal, all loving, non-judgmental, Jesus doll.
(Batteries not included.)

This Jesus doll comes in it’s own little box. Jesus is dressed in his typical white gown, with flowing golden hair, a beard and nice clear blue eyes.

You take him out of the box and he does not do a damn thing… well, until you go out and buy a battery, and then rip off his loin cloth, shove the AAA battery up the hole in his ass and then re-attach the loin cloth. Then… he just sits there, looking dull and lifeless, doing nothing… (You would think this would be enough … but wait… there is more…)

So you shake the doll, thinking it’s broken. Still it does nothing. You start checking for on and off switches but find none… Still the doll does absolutely nothing.

Hmmm? You raise the white gown Jesus is wearing … and there, where the heart should be, is a quarter sized coin slot. “Ahhh, That’s how it works,” you think to yourself.

You reach into your pocket, pull out a quarter, and shove it into the slot. Instantly the dolls eyes light up and his little mouth smiles. The arms of the doll rise in an embracing motion, Amazing Grace begins to softly play, and the doll says, “I Love You!”

The arms go back down to the side. The eyes stop glowing and the doll just sits there and does nothing once again. …

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Pretty sure the nuns sell those in their souvenir shop right outside the Sistine Chapel. If they don’t I’m sure it’s only because they haven’t thought of it.

They also sell papal blessings which do exactly as much as your doll. Actually, the blessing are free. It’s the parchment and calligraphy which is $999 Euros.

When I came out of the Sistine Chapel and saw that tacky shop, I almost lost it. My wife pulled me out of the building before I could say anything unkind to the good nuns.

Darn it, I lost out on capturing a market …nuns. They are married to jesus, so why not a jesus dildo?

A quick Google search of “jesus dildo” images made me understand that the nuns already have an … outlet.

It seems that they include a bottle of “Holy Water Lube … Sanctus Orgasmicus” with the Jackhammer Jesus.


Might as well make it a set and get the rosary that doubles as anal beads. That’s a comedian Jimmy Carr bit, complete with pictures.
On a visit to San Francisco I saw a man dressed as a nun walking down the street. I guess he was a part of The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence a performance/protest group. Or maybe not, it was San Francisco after all.

Sydney has a gay Mardi Gras each year.

A couple of regulars are 'Dykes on Bikes " and one nun of many, Sister Porco Madonna.

A 12 minute clip of the 4 hour event.