Are You That One Guy …?

Do you suffer from Shy Bladder? Are you the guy at the football game who wants to have a few beers but holds up the line in the bathroom at halftime because you can’t squeeze out a drop in front of other men? Has your inability to piss at the drop of a dime made you ineligible for certain jobs, like the armed forces for example?

Worried that you’re less of a man because of it? Maybe it was your abusive childhood? Maybe your worried people will know you have a small penis?

Tried everything? Hot towels on the back of the neck? Images and sounds of waves crashing on a coastline?

Worry not, pitiful fool. There is a simple explanation and solution to your problem! And it isn’t a resolution to an inferiority complex!

As mammals we evolved to have an acute sense of smell. However, when Homo sapiens sapiens arrived at its current form and function that ability to detect scent was drastically reduced. So what does this have to do with your wee wee?

Unlike other men, you’re not comfortable with your nose. It isn’t relaxed and you haven’t come to terms with the very real fact that even though you don’t detect the smell of testosterone in the air, your nose is still sensitive to it. And if you’re not comfortable with your nose then you will be subject to an inhibiting activity in your brain which puts an absolute physiological stop to the muscles needed to both relax and exert force in the process of pissing.

So, take heart men of all ages. The days of carefully timing your trips to the bathroom are almost over. No longer will men next to you detect an absence of pisssssss and ask you “are you doing all right there bud? Having trouble with your zipper?” No longer! You are about to join the ranks of real men who love to whip their dicks out anywhere and anytime to drain the lizard. How, you ask?

Don’t be a dummy! Learn how to get in touch with ALL of the sensations in your nose and nostrils. Let those sensations go and bring calmness to your probiscus. That, my shy friends, is the simple and effective way to piss at any given moment in any given situation.

Guess what!? You’re not inferior! You’re not damaged by your abusive childhood! You don’t have a lower testosterone level than the other men! You don’t have to carry around a hot towel or imagine a thunderstorm every time you approach a urinal.

Get back to the football games! Be all you can be in the Army! Take pisses with confidence - knowing that a stress free sniffer sensitive to trace amounts of hormones in the air was ALL THAT WAS EVER STOPPING YOU FROM pissing!

Breathe easy my friends. You are no longer “that one guy who can’t squeeze out a drop in front of other men.”

  • Bill Gates

Is it just me or is the Earth getting closer to the Sun?

It is during winter in the northern hemisphere.

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Personally, my bladder doesn’t give a damn who is around if it gets full. After seventeen years in the military with three combat deployments and countless piss tests, I can unzip and whiz at the pulpit in front of the church choir with cameras rolling. No problem.

Hmm…sounds like someone has a leaning towards exhibitionism… or perhaps grossly exaggerated rhetoric…

I like it. A man who is comfortable in his own skin and his own masculinity.

This is part joke - part reality. I suffered from shy bladder once upon a time. And it is only recently that I have approached the point where I could piss in the holy water during a baptism if I really had to go!


Dammit… Why didn’t I think of that?

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No no. It is much like those enviable people who fall asleep the moment their heads hit the pillow.

A war tested veteran like Tin Man can piss at a moments notice. This is something to be both astonished and impressed by.

Out in the field of war there is no time to bother with “is it appropriate to piss here or there”. One must be so comfortable in their own skin to relieve oneself immediately at the cost of otherwise risking harm to both himself and his entourage.

Don’t you think?

Well. It’s either pissing in the holy water or pissing off an over pass into oncoming traffic. Boils down to the same thing.

The one thing I’ve learned. Don’t piss into the wind like a Billie goat’s dink!

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Counter intuitive as it may be.

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Okay, okay… You got me. It would actually be behind the choir in the baptism pool. I know it would be rude if I pissed on the carpet. But by the pulpit in FRONT of the choir sounded funnier.

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All I can see is a steady stream of urine coming from Tin Man’s unit with the choir singing “holy holy holy” unto the Lord. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

Let the Lord’s blessings rain down upon you… so to speak… (snicker)…

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Blessed are the urinated upon - for they shall inherit the earth (snortle)

Perhaps, but the manner in which he described his “abilities” may indicate some sort of lingering resentment and/or hostilities which has likely been repressed, arguably contributing to an inability to recognize the seriousness of otherwise obviously insignificant minutiae…and now he has been joined in his blatantly inobvious non-inoffensive suggestive hyperbole by a co-conspirator in the campaign to counter the diffusion of headlong diatribes, suggestive of a lack of the acceptance of indoctrinating forces subjected by authoritative figures in the developmental periods of said persons…

I see what you’re saying; I really do - but I believe the church would benefit from a man pissing in front of the choir - i turkey do. I believe it would rattle and shake the foundations of what such institutions believe is possible/acceptable. Really? How would they come to terms with such a primal act? Some would resent it. Others would see that not all things are holy.

I see what you’re saying. I really do. 10/10 for content. 9/10 for run on sentence :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

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Oh well, I will try to do better and not ramble on and on, including things like hydraulics or temperature gradients and other extraneous digressions which might serve to distract the reader from the germane or relevant details possibly supplanted by any divergences from the subject at hand.

Actually, this has sort of happened, in India.