I think it would be better if you didn’t leave. It sounds like you’re close to a breakthrough from believer to non-believer and we might be able to help you with that. But not me personally because my transition took place when I hadn’t formed a worldview that included religion.
I am told that many experience a lot of anguish and turmoil in the transition. It sounds like you are having such an experience.
Nevertheless good luck. Hope you stay. I’d like to see how this turns out