I empathise.
As a child, god refused to give me the ability to fly, which he could have done without effort.
As an adolescent and young adult I prayed for understanding and removal of mental anguish I experienced from time to time. I also prayed for someone I could love who would love me back.
In time I finally understood that god didn’t answer even one of my prayers because he almost certainly doesn’t exist. I also finally came to understand the real meaning of ‘compromise’. .