Ahem… I was neither skinny, nor bald until I stuck my head into that barrel. Also! I recall your words exactly as you removed that lid. “Okay guys, let’s dive in!” Fuck! I didn’t know it was Eggnog. I thought it was a damn jacuzzi and I just wanted a good seat.
Now see, there you go bringing up old shit that happened a thousand years ago. That’s why our friendship is so fucking rocky. Once I was already in the fucking barrel and once you told me no one else was going to dring the shit, why in the hell wouldn’t I help you out by drinking it. I was the only fucking friend you had at the party. I was the only one unwilling to let all your hard work, not go to waste. And here you are bitching at me. You can be such and ass.
Explain My Behavior! You lying sack of bolts. You have 4 more barrels of eggnog hidden in the closet and I distinctly remember pouring myself over there and opening the door. I know for a fact you were passing out glasses of the shit because Old Man was riding his trike around the light fixtures on the ceiling; Sheldon was speaking in sentences with no more than 5 words in a sentence and with each word having no more than five letters; Ratty was leaving brown butt streaks across the floor wherever he crawled because his back legs were not working, and David spent the night with his pants down below his knees drining nog and yelling 'It’s coming, 'It’s coming, It’s coming."