You’re right, life just happens, and so does death. Unless something like this has happened to you and your family, I won’t be taking any advice on the subject from you or anyone else. This tragedy almost destroyed all of us. My son and his wife(I’ll call her Sara because her name is the same as our daughter, and I think of her as another daughter) were preparing their house for the arrival of their 3rd daughter PIPER. They moved our then youngest granddaughter ZOEY into her sister SADIE’S bedroom so that their new sister could have her own room. They were excited about having another sister in the family.
On the day that this all happened(sept. 15th, 2017) I came down stairs into the lobby of the gym where I was working out and saw my wife waiting for me. I could tell by the look on her face that something bad had happened. She told me that Sara was on her way to the hospital because something was wrong with PIPER and that we needed to get to their house which was about 50 miles away to stay with SADIE and ZOEY while our son(JASON) was with his wife at the hospital.
About 2 hours later, our son called his mom(BECKY, my wife) and told us that PIPER’S heart was no longer beating and that she was dead. To make matters even harder, SARA was going to have to deliver her now deceased little girl, but it was going to take a few hours for the labor-inducing drugs to do their job. So our son told us that he would come home for a couple of hours and then go back to the hospital. Of course this meant that we couldn’t say anything to our granddaughters about what was going on. Can you imagine having to drive home from the hospital knowing that you have to tell your daughters(they were 5&9 years old) that their baby sister was dead and never even got a chance to take her first breath?
Somehow my wife and I managed to keep these facts to ourselves and told SADIE and ZOEY that their dad was on his way home and would tell them why their mom had to rush to the hospital earlier. When JASON got home, he asked us to stay while he tried to explain what happened to his 2 little girls. I don’t know he did it, but he managed to stay calm and slowly told them that PIPER’S heart stopped beating and that she had died and was not coming home with mom.
I can’t even begin to imagine what emotions JASON and SARA were experiencing during all of this. Can you imagine having your labor induced and knowing that after a few hours of labor pains and going through the delivery process, that you were going to give “birth” to your still-born daughter? My son is an amazing father and broke the news to his 2 little girls in front of his mom and dad with the kind of (class?, I don’t know which word to use here) that I can’t even begin to imagine that I could have done. Of course there were tears and questions that couldn’t be answered, why?
Our daughter-in-law SARA is also an amazing mom. I still can’t even imagine what she went through having to deal with all of this. After JASON said about all that could be said, BECKY and I drove home knowing that our 3rd granddaughter was never coming home and that we all had this fucked-up situation to deal with. SARA’S mom drove down and watched the girls while JASON had to go back to the hospital. PIPER was delivered about 9 hours later and the nurses at the hospital(they were fucking amazing) wrapped her up like any other newborn and JASON and SARA just held her and talked to her for a little while. They told us that she looked like she was sleeping and that she was beautiful, just like her sisters.
I’m starting to cry now. I need to take a break and get some air.
The nurses at the hospital were amazingly professional and went out of their way to help in any way they could. After they took PIPER from her parents they went way beyond anything that I could have imagined. They took some clay, made it into a disc, and took PIPER’S footprints with it and put her name and the date on it in the shape of tiny building-blocks, then they put 2 holes in the top, and put a pink ribbon through it. They waited for it to harden, then they sent it to the funeral-home where she was cremated so her parents could pick it up when they went to pick up her ashes. That was so fucking cool for them to go out of their way for our son and his wife. We have a photo of that memorial in our living room, and that’s what I have tattooed on my chest, along with memorials for my mom and older sister.
It’s been over 3 years now, and it still tears me up inside whenever I think about her, but that’s why I have the tattoo, so I won’t even begin to forget the granddaughter that we never got to meet. It took a long time to try to get back to “normal”. Would you want to have to empty out PIPER’S room, take the crib and the changing table out and move your youngest daughter back into “her” room? ZOEY didn’t want her room back, she wanted her new baby sister.
My wife and I and SARA’S parents dealt with this as best we could, and we still call her by her first name whenever we talk about our grandkids. They have a total of 7, and we have 4 now, ages 13 to almost 2 years old. We’ll never forget her even though we never got to see her. I’m still incredibly angry about this and always will be. I’m not angry with anyone or anything, just this fucked up situation that our families had to endure.
Sorry, I need to correct something, including PIPER, SARA’S parents have 8 grandkids and we have 5.
So unless you’ve had to deal with the same situation that we had to endure, my family and I won’t be taking any advice from someone that we don’t know, and sure as hell doesn’t know us.