Communication occurs on several levels at the same time. The overt message, and covert intent (Focus on relationship defining for a start, it’s the easiest to understand.) Check out transactual analysis, and it will give you a hint at what I am getting at. All communication is relationship defining.
Instead of paying attention to the message, pay attention to how the message is delivered. Why was the message delivered that way? What assertion is being made about your relationship with the speaker? “Why are you talking to me like I am a child without an understanding of science or logic?” Comment on the behavior, the intent, and not the overt message. ‘Are you trying to convince me or convince yourself.’ Why would you use such an obviously fallacious argument? (Get an answer to why he used it. Not a justification of the argument. Keep going back to why he used it.)
'Why do you insist on treating me like I am stupid? We discussed the fallacies and still you keep trying them out on me. (Define the use of using fallacies as being stupid but deny you called him stupid.)
You admit that you know these comments are fallacious and still you keep using them. Is that due to a lack of creativity on your part or just an inability to argue effectively?
A process comment is a comment about what is happening right now. It makes what is actually happening ‘OVERT.’ But you are also redefining the relationship. (You are treating me like an idiot.) “You are using a bullshit argument, and you know it is bullshit. Why did you do that?” Are you willing to have an honest discussion or not?
Process comments are always serious. They are meant to ‘pin down’ the behavior and frame it in a specific way. “Why do you insist on speaking to me like I am stupid?” "Are you actually ignorant enough to think l believe what you have just said? Do you even actually believe it? Why would you believe such an obviously fallacious comment? Stay in the here and now.
THE ART OF ‘DISQUALIFICATION’ (Person, Place, Time, Message)
Learn to say horrible things without saying them. This is known as disqualifying your communication. I am saying it without saying it. It wasn’t me…
Disqualify self - I am not the one saying this to you.
I know you are intelligent but, If anyone else used that argument I would call them an ignorant ass. (I’m not calling you an ignorant ass but other people who use arguments like this.)
Disqualify the other person - I am not talking about you.
I heard that same argument used by William Lane Craig, and he just looked like an ass. (I did not say you look like an ass but WLC did.) Then address your comments to WLC’s argument. and not the person you’re talking to. WLC said… That was easily countered with…Ask, ‘Have you ever seen him debate?’ You are discussing the same argument but depersonalizing it by attacking WLC. (Or whoever. Just make up a name. It does not matter.)
Disqualify the time - We are not discussing now but something in the past.
The last time you said that, I shared it with a friend, he laughed his ass off, but I know you are serious. (I’m not the one laughing at you, it was someone else at another time.)
Disqualifying the message - Are you aware that your argument has been debunked for over 50 years? Don’t you have anything real?
And people wonder why I am so good at being an ass.