“We are herd animals who go along to get along.”
Unfortunately that fact inhibited me from admitting the truth to myself for about 20 years. Through my understanding of history and science, my logic had concluded that supernatural entities had never demonstrated any observable interactions or manifestations in the natural universe. But I didn’t dare let myself declare the obvious.
I’m one who too often doesn’t like to ‘rock the boat.’ I continued to let my friends and family influence me, and I emotionally accepted that there had to be a god.
The revelation to myself occurred about 8 years ago when I blew my top at a nonsense-spouting theist. His ignorance stirred up my anger and I let him know I didn’t believe in his biblical quotes and platitudes.
I think his motionless, wide-eyed stare reflected the shock I also felt. Knowing I’d ‘committed myself’ though, I tried not to let it show and I proceeded with the debate.
I’m sure I only dared to speak up because no one else was around.
The admission to myself was liberating, but I’ve only shared my non-belief with a few others I know are open-minded enough to accept me regardless. The subject doesn’t often come up in conversation, and I keep quiet when others reference their superstitious concepts or bless me or say they’ll pray for me. So I still don’t feel I’m ‘out’ with my stance on theology.