Abby's stay of execution

I’m happy to report that my kitty Abby has been granted sanctuary here for at least the next 6 months. After a lot of arguing and angry evenings together due to my wife’s unrealistic expectations for a growing kitten, we’ve agreed on a truce.
We had a conversation on the phone with our son and his wife a couple of nights ago, and they convinced my wife that most of her issues with Abby are things that she’ll grow out of. We also discussed a couple of different ways to discipline her that have worked very well with their 2 cats.
Becky has agreed to wait until we’ve had her for a year before making this decision to give her up. Her fears about Abby climbing her x-mas tree(fake) will be resolved with her only putting lights on it and not hanging any ornaments from it this year.
I’m also going to start letting her go outside again, as long as it’s with me, but we have to get her spayed first. Problem is, we can’t afford it right now, maybe in a couple of months? This way, she can tire herself out and won’t be as full of energy as she is right now.
I knew bringing a kitten into our home would be challenging, so none of this is unexpected, but my family know that I’m struggling with depression, and having her to keep me company during the day is important.
She’s napping in the other chair in the office right now, she’s a very good companion. Hopefully I’ll have her for the next 12-15 years.

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Whenever I got a new puppy, I sprayed cords and the corners of furniture with apple bitter. I also took a rag, soaked it in apple bitter, wiped one cord with the apple bitter and stuck it into his mouth so he knew exactly how bitter it was. It comes out of a spray bottle, does not stain, is all natural, not harmful, but leaves a very bitter taste in the mouth. I have never had any problems with my puppies chewing what they should not.

When I got my kitten Gonk, I went out and bought a battery operated water pistol. Not one of those huge super soakers, it was small and easily held in one hand. With it I could pick it up and nail my cat from across the room if he was acting out. For example, within five feet of the christmas tree or thinking about climbing the drapes. The wife and I had one each.

https://www.amazon.com.au/ArmoGear-Squirt-2-Pack-Water-Blaster/dp/B096BMWBPM?th=1

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If you want to wear her out, get a kitty laser light. There are usb rechargeable ones now…a few $ more but worth it.

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What does it cost to spayed a cat? Send me a PM.

I guess if having a cat doesn’t work out. You could always get a ferret instead. They’re like a cat.

200w

My suggestion is that you get an invisible pet and you keep it in a metal box that is too heavy for your wife to lift. You spend time talking to it, giving it water, putting it on your shoulder and walking around the house with it while talking to it. When she asks you what it is you tell her to not be so stupid, how in the hell would you know, its invisible. When she says she can’t feel it, just assert it is noncorporal. Then make sure you get up out of bed two or three times during the night because you can hear it getting out of its box. It has not settled into the new environment yet. She believes in magical beings not you. You can really freak her out. Any little noise in the house you attribute to your magic pet. If you can’t have a real pet, have a fantasy pet. Think of the fun you can have.

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I think I keep her confused enough already. Apparently I talk out loud to myself, the TV, Abby, and my wife. She has told me more than once that when she hears me, she’s never really sure who/what I’m talking to.

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Apple bitters are great for stopping cats from scratching, I’ve used it for our cat. I would build or place scratching posts next to or behind every chair. I swear it doesn’t matter how many scratching posts you have, they seem to use every single one.

Might consider a window perch for her so she can watch birds or other outdoor critters. Our friends cats don’t leave the window at their home. Constantly crouched acting like they are going to jump through the window. Definitely seemed to help them to calm down. I would assume just the mental stimulation of seeing live snacks dancing around outside helps get out some of that energy.

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Perfect! Instead of a box you get a cage. Name your pet ‘Jesus.’ You don’t know what it looks like and you have never felt it because it is noncorporal. You can hear it, talk to it, and care for it. Sometimes it gets out of the cage and you have to spend the whole day calling out its name and looking for it around the house. "Have you seen Jesus?’ Check everywhere. "Did you do anything with Jesus?’ ‘Shhh! I think I hear Jesus. Did you hear that?’ You know Jesus is real because he does Jesus tricks. You see them when no one else is around. “Honey honey! Jesus turned a page of the newspaper.” “Honey honey, Jesus helped me find my car keys.” (You don’t pray to him, he’s really there giving you a hand.) Jesus, would you bring me that screwdriver? Jesus? Jesus? For fuck sake, do I have to do everything myself? Bad Jesus! Have him go shopping with you when you buy groceries. Let Jesus pick out all the food. When the wife thanks Jesus for the food, you turn your head to the cage and agree with her. “Yes Jesus, good job! I was going to buy the other brand but this looks delicious. Thanks!” Come on… Everyone needs a pet Jesus. Drive the theists in your house crazy. Oh. The cage does not have to be so big your wife can’t lift it. Instead, a small cage superglued to a coffee table will work just fine. Pet Jesus! Get one today.

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Which ties into my recommendation to use apple bitter. If you take away one form of activity, you must find a replacement. In the case of my dog, I took away chewing on furniture and cords, and replaced it with a lot of chew toys and chew bones.

Our next door neighbor gave us her extra kitty hammock that attaches to the window, and she loves it. I had to move it from the office window and put it on our bedroom window which faces a different direction. She still sees her share of birds and squirrels in the back yard, plus her kitty perch looks out the sliding glass door into another side of the back yard.
She’s spoiled rotten.
Is apple bitters a type of booze, where can you find it?

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Forget Jesus, I’d rather have my own personal demon named Dave, or maybe Murray?

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Lmao. I love Cog’s suggestion. He’s saying to do that so you’ll mock your wife’s bs beliefs to prove a point. I fucking love it. It’s brilliant! :joy:

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I got my spray bottle from my local pet store.

It is targeted mainly at dogs, they chew. But anyone who knows cats is that they occasionally decide to chew on leaves and pine needles and anything else.

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Works for cats too, I spray it on anything we don’t want scratched or rubbed on. Cats have scent glands in the corners of their mouths and leave their scent on things by rubbing on them, also leaving brown ugly dirty smears of grossness. They do not like the taste of bitters, so after they scratch they naturally clean their feet. After a while they get the idea I don’t want to scratch this it tastes disgusting. Same for anywhere they try to mark by rubbing, they taste the bitters and eventually stop rubbing against it after they clean themselves.

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LTFOL(laugh the fuck out loud)
You fucking made my morning you crazy bastard…

Edit: still chuckling to self

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Lmao I read Cog’s posts to my girlfriend last night and she snorted with laughter. :rofl:

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Oooh you know if Mr Mac gets a Jesus pet, imagine the hilarity the next time he gets asked if he’s found Jesus yet…:smiley_cat:

Edit happy blasphemer

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Re: Pet Jesus

Driving down the road taking the wife out to eat. Look over at her and say, “Hey, I taught Jesus how to drive. Watch this…” Then suddenly let go of the steering wheel and yell, “JESUS, TAKE THE WHEEL!”

(Edit to update car insurance policy.)

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